Perfect Memory remyzero.

Remember how they always seemed to know?
We had the forest in our eyes,
But the earth was in our clothes.
And they thought we'd fall,
Not at all.

So look back on the treasured days,
We were young in a world that was so tired.
Though it's not what we wanted before,
Even the saints had to crawl from the floor.
Summers when the money was gone you'd sing,
All your little songs that meant everything to me.

And I'll remember you,
And the things that we used to do.
And the things that we used to say.
I'll remember you,
That way.

Remember how they tried to hold you down?
And we climbed those towers
And looked down upon our town.
And everything you hoped would last.
Just always becomes your past, it hurts.
Summer's when the money was gone you'd sing,
All your little songs that meant everything to me.

And I'll remember you,
And the things that we used to do.
And the things that we used to say.
I'll remember you,
That way.

But then this world
Slipped through my fingers,
And even the sun seemed tired.
I still cared.
As I lowered you down
My heart just jaded.
In that moment the earth made no sound,
But you were there.
You helped me lift my pain into the air.

And I'll remember you,
And the things that we used to do.
And the things that we used to say.
I'll remember you,
That way.

If it don't hurt you
It wont hurt me,
If it don't hurt me
Then it wont hurt you,
If it don't hurt you
It wont hurt me, I know.

Birthdays

I have decided that birthdays are unimportant once you reach the age of maturity where the childhood years are just mere distant memories of lost innocence. Sometimes, we yearn for the lost years, but we never get what we want, do we?

And just when I have decided that birthdays shouldn't be celebrated, you came falling like the falling star. Tumbling, free falling through the fog that reeks of disillusionment. I guess I could only say thank you, but what am I to do with all these ponderous expectancies?

You should know I am running away one day. She taught me to be heartless and I am a solitary voyager. I can only have memories of you, and then I will run away someday. My heart is too small and there is only place for fleeting transient memories.


and he didn't care. so why did you?

Top 5 signs you should clear your room.

1. You require a shovel to get from one side of the room to another.

2. Your table starts sagging under the weight of your stuff.

3. More and more items are now being pushed to the outside of your room.

4. Tidying the room now seems like a 14 month project.

OR,

5. You get this.

Konstantine somethingcorporate


I can't imagine all the people that you know,
and the places that you go
when the lights are turned down low.
And I don't understand all the things you've seen,
but I'm slipping inbetween,
you and your big dreams.
It's always you,
in my big dreams.

And you tell me, that it's over.
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers,
and your restless, and I'm naked.
You've gotta get out,
you can't stand to see me shaking
No.
Could you let me go?
I didn't think so.

And you don't wanna be here in the future,
so you say the present's just a pleasent interruption to the past.
And you don't wanna look much closer
cos' your afraid to find out all this hope
you had sent into the sky by now had, Crashed.
And it did,
because of me.

And then you bring me home,
afraid to find out that you're alone.
And I'm sleeping in your living room,
but we don't have much room to live.

And I had these dreams and then I learned to play guitar.
Maybe cross the country,
become a rock star.
And there was hope in me that I could take you there,
but dammit you're so young,
well I don't think I care.
And if I hurt you,
then I'm sorry.
Please don't think that this was easy.

And then you bring me home,
cos' we both know what it's like to be alone.
And I'm dreaming in your living room
but we don't have much room to live.

And Konstantine is walking down the stairs
doesn't she look good
standing in her underwear?
And I was thinking,
what I was thinking.
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.

my Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
and all that I could do is touch her long, blonde, hair.
And I've been thinking,
it hurts me thinking that these nights
when we were drinking, no they never got us anywhere.

No.

This is because I can spell konfusion with a "K"
and I like it.
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it.
It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car,
when the first star you see may not be a star.
I'm not your star.
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant?

And if this is what it takes
just to lie with my mistakes
and live with what I did to you,
and all the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock
it's 11:11 ,
and now you want to talk.
It's not hard to dream
you'll always be my Konstantine.

my Konstantine, they'll never hurt you like I do.
No, they'll never hurt you like I do,
no, no, no no no no no no.

This is to a girl who got into my head
With all the pretty things she did.
Hey,
you know,
you keep me up in bed.
This is to a girl who got into my head
with all these fucked up things I did
Hey,
maybe,
baby,
you could keep me up in bed,
my Konstantine.
You spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen.
And I said,
did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?

I miss you.

And then you bring me home,
And we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone. No no.
And you'll kiss me in your living room.
I know,
I know you'll miss me in your living room
Cos' these nights I think maybe that I'll miss you in my, living room.
We don't have much room,
I said does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room,
To live.

my Konstantine.

Morning

Good morning! Well, actually, afternoon.
Time seems to lose its meaning during holidays.

Ah well, here comes rain.

Erm.

Someone get the Prozac.


Had to post this in the unlikely case of the crazy happenings during our band chalet gets whisked out of my head by the whirl of everyday life. (some of you were bugging me to post it anyway, so shut up and read.)

The first day was pretty uneventful, with the initial plan of letting ourselves get thrown about on the rides at Escape theme park being ruined by the discovery on our arrival, that the park only opened on weekends and school holidays. With nothing better to do, I was thinking that it was going to be a real boring night that day.
I couldnt have been further from the truth.
Someone suggested buying alcoholic drinks, and as usual, I was called upon to buy them. (Buy them, NOT pay for them)

Turned out that quite a few people (including me), miscalculated our alcohol threshold, and sent themselves into their own surreal world of drunkedness. I won't divulge the amount of alcohol I drank (I think I shouted it out loud enough in my drunk state), but I remember starting out with a slightly dizzy head, followed by the gradual failure of your balance system, after which, your whole mind goes into a dream world where your brain starts to process everything as a dream, and not as reality. Finally fell asleep in the room, after being dragged there from the living room floor.

Woke up the next morning to find myself wearing my sweater (huh?), and with a horrible nausea filling my head. For the next 3 days, the very smell of alcohol would make me feel nauseous again. Was told that I put on my sweater while sleepwalking at night (huh?) Wierd stuff.

Not much done on the second day, with some of us suffering from hangovers, and people like me, feeling like our legs and stomach had switched places, with our stomach feeling solid, and legs filled with kuey tiao. Recovered in time though, and the BBQ was a considerable success, everyone ate their fill of great food, and we even had so much food ( and so little people ) that we had to give some to our neighbouring barbequers. All because Cheryl didnt come! (Read the Pizza post to get my meaning.)

After that, we all gathered at the chalet, and they got drunk, again. This time, more interesting events happened. Shall not divulge into the details yah? I was sober though, couldn't take a drop more lest I eject my dinner prematurely.

I woke up on the third day feeling like the Energiser Bunny, with everyone except Sherman and I still fast asleep. Woke up everyone, showered, inventory check, packed, called housekeeping, checked out.

My hangover arrived duly on the 3rd day after that night, right on my work day.

Brilliant.

If You're Gone - matchboxtwenty


I think I've already lost you,
I think you're already gone.
I think I'm finally scared now,
You think I'm weak - I think you're wrong.
I think you're already leaving,
Feels like your hand is on the door.
I thought this place was an empire.
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure.

And I think you're so mean - I think we should try.
I think I could need - this in my life,
And I think I'm just scared - I think too much.
I know its wrong it's a problem I'm dealing-

If you're gone - maybe it's time to come home.
There's an awful lot of breathing room,
But I can hardly move.
If you're gone - baby you need to come home.
There's a little bit of something me,
In everything in you.

I bet you're hard to get over.
I bet the room just won't shine.
I bet my hands I can stay here,
And I bet you need - more than you mind.

And I think you're so mean - I think we should try.
I think I could need - this in my life,
And I think I'm just scared - that I know too much.
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling-

If you're gone - maybe it's time to come home.
There's an awful lot of breathing room,
But I can hardly move.
If you're gone - baby you need to come home.
There's a little bit of something me,
In everything in you.

On Beer Fountains

Sorry to disappoint my ardent supporters who've visited here, but only to see the same entry for the past one month. And yes, the time has come for me yet again to update, my near-rotting place on the web.

I was on bartending duty today at Sheraton Towers, covering up for the main bartender when he went off to collect stock from the basement. And as it was the bar that was at the "back of the house" , which was a term to describe something that was not for guest's use, it was quite a simple job.
Supposedly.

I had the good fortune to have the beer canister run out just as the bartender went out again. And as there were many waiters with orders for beer, I made the (bad) choice to try to change it myself. Gingerly grabbing the nozzle, I tried pulling it to one side. The catch released itself, sending up a short burst of air before the valve slammed shut. But, inexperienced me actually thought that "short burst" of air was the unrestrained release of the pressurised contents within the canister. I slammed the nozzle back in, twisting it to lock it, but the catch did not engage properly, resulting in the release pin being pushed down into the unsealed valve.
The result of that was a splendid display of beer flying all over the bar, mostly onto me, in front of the surprised waiters. Cursing, I had to release the catch and lock it again to stop the flow.

Other than that, I survived.

Of Work and Frogs.


Didnt get to blog for the past 2 days. Got back like 1 in the morning or so, from work. Yeah, somehow managed to get myself dragged into a job at Suntec City, some kind of Part Time waiter, for banquets and all. About 10 us were from KCPSS, and we all had NO experience in this kind of field whatsoever, and imagine my horror when we learnt that we had to pour soup, cut the fish, portion rice, and distribute dessert, all in front of the guests.

First day on friday was "Training" where they briefly explained basic etiquette and serving, telling about the Do's and Don'ts, how to respond to guests, and briefing us on the next night. In which we would be serving 700 tables with 7000 guests, 8 courses each. Yeah, go ahead, scream.

Here's a summary of friday night.

4.20 - Took a cab from school to Suntec City
4.30 - Arrived at Suntec City, got lost looking for our agent.
4.35 - Went to information counter, where our Agent found us.
4.45 - At workers check-in point, checked in, went to training.
5.30 - Bored like hell.
6.30 - Still bored like hell.
7.30 - Not over yet.
9.00 - Training ended, checked out, went for "End-of-Exams Dinner"
10.00 - Reached some BBQ Buffet restaurant at Marina Bay, started whacking.
11.30 - Full, but some other guys still eating.
11.45 - Left the restaurant in search of a bus.
11.52 - Spotted a toad/frog on the sidewalk.
11.53 - Frog/toad kicked by Andy onto road.
11.53 - Andy and Vincent went to raod to kick another 2 frog/toads.
11.54 - Frog/toad sprayed with Andy's aerosol spray ( Some kind of Cologne )
11.54 - Frog/toad burnt by Andy spraying his aerosol with a lighter in front.
11.55 - Frog/toad escaped.
12.00 - Realised we had missed the last bus.
12.05 - Started walking in a random direction towards where we thought the MRT would be.
12.10 - Stopped a car to ask for directions.
12.12 - Continued walking.
12.20 - Same car went by, offering to give us a lift to the MRT station.
12.30 - Arrived at the MRT station, the kind driver had to make 2 trips to get all of us there. The total distance was about 3km, so we would have died without him.
12.40 - Inside MRT station, No train either.
12.43 - Asked some workers outside the station for a lift in a pickup.
12.45 - On the pickup, on the way to the esplanade.
12.50 - On Nicoll Highway, enjoying the view.
12.55 - At destination. Still no sign of a Nightrider bus stop.
1.05 - Boarded a taxi to Bishan.
1.06 - Asleep in taxi.
1.20 - Back in Bishan.

Yeah, thats not what many would consider a "Summary" but that's the best I could do to shorten it.

Yesterday was the big night, the night where 500 clueless part-timers would make an attempt to serve 700 tables, with 7000 guests. Officially, it was a big screwup, as logistics for 7000 people was no simple matter for the captains, so everyone was quite in a bad mood that night, rushing around serving food.
When it was all finally over, the captains all took us behind into the workers area where all the F's, S's, H's and D's were hurled at us by the captains.

And so I realised, I'm still alive after all.

The final stretch.


I tell myself that I must study, but the effort is laughable when I barely accomplish my readings and spend too much time online instead. My hours are consumed by the need to sleep, but even in rest a little minder sits at the back of my mind screaming out how little time I have got left.


I look up at the skies, at the thick dark clouds that hug closely to the tops of the buildings. The wind whips around me like a sword unsheathed, and I wonder why it doesn't pour. The constipated skies mirror a clogging in the head, and as it finally rains I murmur a prayer and realise that it is a mere drizzle that can fill a teapot. I retaliate by sticking a finger skywards (insert swear-word here), and sit down at the computer again, the notes left untouched.

20 Below - hiddeninplainview


This puzzled look you stare to me says,
You put me back together.
Her head's down, she waits so impatiently.
Scattered in my heart, torn up and ripped up apart.
It's ripped apart.
And you know I should have known the times she looked at me.
Brace yourself.
She falls, gracefully.

Just wait and you'll see you're everything I want.
Dont take this from me.
Just wait and you'll see you're everything I want.
Dont take this from me now!


With the wind strong in my face,
I'm still staggering through.
I'm closer to the ground then I will ever get to you.
Dirt deep beneath my finger nails I'm gripping to the floor.
Searching through the world always looking for something more

And these cold winter nights, without you next to me.
It feels like 20 below.
Frost bite on my heart
This pain and suffering are feelings that,
You don't know.

Does it feel like, 20 Below?

(another) Public Service Announcement

Tianyu has (also) changed his virtual residence to:

http://www.tianyu.biz/



muahahha. I should charge for this! :p

But you can't change this loneliness.

we went jamming today, after a 2 week break, and speaking of break, i broke hamzah's drumsticks during some over-enthusiastical playing. whoops. gonna look for a new pair, perhaps next week. lol =p

after that, we all took a cab down to edwin's house to eat and chill. edwin treated us to rockys pizza! =D

and Syed got himself into trouble.

yarp, he bet that if Cheryl could finish 4 pieces of Rocky's pizza ( which was double of Pizzahuts pizzas ) he would do a striptease in edwin's room.

Cheryl did it.

YES. HAHAHAHAHAHA. he didnt want to do it at first, but after threats of being raped from the rest of the guys, he relented. it was damn funny larh. he was using the curtain to cover certain parts of his anatomy. for about 30 seconds. i was laughing too hard even to look. hehh. too bad we didnt get a picture, or i'd put it up here. LOL!

we had to go soon after that, as Edwin's cousins were coming home. the girls wanted to go take neoprints at the Heeren, some funny machine which the guys had completely no idea of which camera to look at. ended up with some wierd photos. haahh.

yaaaarp. I'm deaad tired now, after dragging my guitar around orchard road. gonna slack for a while before sleeping. take care all. =)

Public Announcement Service

Clarence's blog has changed address to:

http://fo0.blogspot.com/

yarp! =)

The Artist In The Ambulance - thrice


Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal,
Red light, can't stop so I spin the wheel.
My world goes black before I feel an angel lift me up,
And I open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white,
They flip the siren, hit the lights, close the doors and I am gone.

Now I lay here owing my life to a stranger,
And I realize that, empty words are not enough.
I'm left here with the question of just,
What have I to show except, the promises I never kept?
I lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets.
I hope that I will never let you down.
I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.

Look around and you'll see that at times it feels like no one really cares.
It gets me down but I'm still gonna try to do what's right,
I know that there's a difference between sleight of hand,
And giving everything you have.
There's a line drawn in the sand, I'm working up the will to cross it.

Rhetoric can't raise the dead.
I'm sick of always talking, when there's no change.
Rhetoric can't raise the dead.
I'm sick of empty words, let's lead and not follow.

Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
Red light, can't stop so I spin the wheel
My world goes black before I feel an angel steal me from the,
Greedy jaws of death and chance, and pull me in with steady hands.
They've given me a second chance, the artist in the ambulance.

I hope that I will never let you down.
I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.

Can we pick you off the ground, more than flashing lights and sound.

Ramblings

from the main road, you could already see clouds of smoke rising from Bishan park, even in the darkness of the night. yes, it was the Lantern Festival yesterday! the few chances where you can actually launch a salvo of rockets without getting arrested, as bishan park was practically swarmed with children and their parents alike, playing with lanterns, sparklers, and homemade rockets. whooohoo! =)

once you were in there, the whole place looked very much like a war zone, with smoke, fire, and whistling sparklers going off in all directions. the whole air was filled with smoke! yeahhh, after we had used up all our sparklers and fired my rockets. 3 flew, 1 almost flew, and 1 burned out.

anyways.

i woke up at one today, from Wan Ting reminding me I was supposed to be in school four hours ago, for the video editing training. went back to sleep for another half hour before actually waking up. i usually wake up before 10, but sleeping at 2 last night might have been it. so there.

Dohhh.

come to think of it, i actually just realised that this "break" hasnt been much of a rest for me, with the daily wake up call at 7 for my morning routine before rushing to school for the dreaded exams.

hahahaha. yeah, the exams i was supposed to study for. :D

had our video-competition training this morning. yarp. mostly slacking around for me, doing lame stuff with the camera and all. hahaha. Kevin has written a most detailed documentary on it. Go check it out. =)

in other news, another day of band shopping today! this time, for Vern's acoustic guitar. we went to 7, yes, i'll spell it out, SEVEN guitar shops, in the hunt for Vern's new instrument.

yeah, you could call it guy-shopping.

haaahh. =D

Down. - somethingcorporate


Let's get drunk,
You can drive us to the harbor.
Wish upon a star but,
Do you know what stars are?
Balls of fire, burning up the black space.
Falling from the landscape,
Exploding in the face of God.

Let's get crazy,
Talk about our big plans.
Places that you're going,
Places that I haven't been.
Build my walls up,
Concrete castle.
Keep this kingdom free of hassle, yeah.

Yeah.

But I need some, echo in the emptiness.
All I want, but you can't change this loneliness.
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down.

Taste the saline rolling down your cheekbone,
Tell me that you're alone, tell me on the telephone.
Feel your heart it breaks within your chest now.
Try to get some rest now, sleeps not coming easy for a while, child.

Child, yeah.

But I need some, echo in the emptiness.
All I want, but you can't change this loneliness.
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down.

Down, down.

But I need some, echo in the emptiness.
All I want, but you can't change this loneliness.
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down.

Look at what you've found, I'm falling down.

No, that's not right.

this posting is to remind myself that i'm still here, minus the inspiration to blog.
yarp. anyways.

exams rushing up at me. time to (really) study.

bye.

I Miss You. - incubus


To see you when I wake up,
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same,
As I do, is a three-fold utopian dream.

You do something to me,
That I can't explain.
So would I be out of line, if I said,
I miss you.

I see your picture, I smell your skin on,
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I am wasting away.
I know I'll see you again,
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know, that I care.

And I miss you.

The Concert

the curtain was drawn, with us onstage, the crowd ringing in our ears, and edwin began his pre-performance act with vern before we began the actual song. i remember almost shivering during the second song, silently praying that i wouldnt screw up or i would never forgive myself. and it wasnt until the bridge of the first song that i realised that i was playing a blink song WITHOUT my distortion on, which as i realised, didnt make much of a difference as the amp was cranked up so high it distorted itself. later after our song, edwin also told me he had problems with his distortion switch, but HIS amp was also cranked up so high, that it had the same effect as mine. hahhh.

and so it ends. the practices, the rehearsals, the concert. but the spirit would live on, the hours we had spent together practicing our sets, together and seperately, the number of practices and jams all the bands had, the team-bonding, I know some of you guys out there would be reading this, and I would like to say, it has been a privilege being a part of a concert with you.

Thank you.

On rainy days.

it started raining soon after we met up, and strode into davis ( a distraction ) to look. yeah. we did get wet, running back to the MRT, but it was quite fun actually. hahaha. reminded me of my primary school days, where we used to run in the rain after school, laughing without a care, without giving a damn about the disapproving stares we got on the bus home. haaah.

yarp! Foo is now the proud owner of a new Ibanez GSR Soundgear Bass, almost fully equipping our band. there was a metal band jamming at Swee Lee's studios while we were there, and they had a really good drummer. the rest of the band sounded okay too. albeit a little too loud, actually. but they really could jam. oh yeah, they werent Singaporean, they were some bunch of Ang Mo's. lol~. got back home after the rain let up a bit.

and i love days like this, of dark overcast skies and winds howling through the windows and rain falling onto your window grills and spilling onto you; nothing beats the solitude of being at home having to listen to no one else's voice.

oh yeah, if you were wondering, the music that is playing is "Clumsy" by our lady peace. enjoy. :)

fake a smile.

alright! the rehearsal will be on tuesday and thursday next week. we had another band practice today! this time at a different studio, recommended by joshua. =) thanks for the tip! haha. the place was really good. probably because of the good maintenance by the fellow there. he even came in to help us clear up the room after our session. haaah. the drums were a little too loud though. and they didnt sound-damp the room well enough. other than that, everything there was great. *grins*

yaahaaaahh. i kinda feel that i've been neglecting everything else since the deferralofsilence started practicing for the teachers day performance. so to everyone else! sorry if i've pangseh-ed you people after school. hahaha. i'll make it up to you after the exams! =)

will be going band-shopping tomorrow. hahh. for Clarence's bass. yarp! thats about it. goodnight, taaaake care and be good all !

Understatement - New Found Glory


I'm sick of smiling, and so is my jaw
Can't you see my frown is dropped way down.
I'm sick of being someone I'm not,
Please get me out of this slump.
I'm sick of clapping,
When I know I can do it better for myself.
I'm sick of waiting,
I'm sick of all these words that will never matter.

I'll write these words together,
Hoping for a chance to think on time.
And I'm tracing over your letters,
To see if your intentions are as good as mine.

But you're getting worse,
I swear it.
It's hard to prove, you're an understatement.
You're getting worse,
And I know,
That you'll be calling, calling, calling me again

I'm done with everything,
That had the two of you.
Don't worry your pictures are already burned.
I'm dumped with new friends,
Don't sell yourself short,
You'll lose it in the end.

I'll write these words together,
Hoping for a chance to think on time.
And I'm tracing over your letters,
To see if your intentions are as good as mine.

But you're getting worse,
I swear it.
It's hard to prove, you're an understatement.
You're getting worse,
And I know,
That you'll be calling, calling, calling me again

I can't help how I feel
No, I can't help how I feel

But you're
Getting worse,
I swear it.
It's hard to prove you're an understatement.
You're getting worse,
And I know.
That you'll be calling,
Calling, calling me again.

A Frenzy Of Everything

Yeeeeessss!! Finally completed my art work, canvas, presentation boards and all! Its going to the marking centre first thing tomorrow morning. Thats one whole load off my mind, for now. next up, preliminary examinations, aaaand, the rehearsal and performance for our band next week. The deferralofsilence has really been practising hard for this, hope it turns out well! =)

yaaarp. ever had a slack and busy week all at once? yeah. slack during school, and busy after school with art work and jamming. like today! five free periods, and one fake fire drill! And its all happening right at the doorstep of the GCE examinations. My class dosen't seem to be in any state of mind for studying now either.

Might be going to Swee Lee tomorrow to buy strings and check out Foo's bass.

=) Gooood night everyone!

Public Service Announcment

Ladies and gentlemen, if you could kindly direct your attention to the "enlightenments?" , "enlightenments." and "nirvana!" links below each blog entry, you may wish to be informed that these links are for your usage to post comments, insults, compliments, complaints, and messages.

Yours Sincerely,
Public Relations Manager
Sean Tan.

ahhhhhh!

I'm working in a completely new computer envioronment now, as my com has just recovered from a viral attack. Fifty-Two viruses, when I scanned it. Sheeeesh. Took me two days to disable it and clear it all up.
Yeah, so anyways. Beeen slaaacking all week, gone jamming on monday, stayed back in school to do art for yesterday and today, aand perhaps we might be jamming again on friday. How's "DeferralOfSilence" as a name for a band? =) hahaha, yarp. might be calling ourselves that, if everyone is okay with it.

haaaaah. okay!

gotta go have my shower now, having tuition soon, so take care and be good y'all!

Which [Smallville] Characters are you?

he he. my foot.

Love To Hate, Hate To Me - AStaticLullaby


Read the tale of my desire,
A book of hate.
1000 Volts for every smile you gave me.
As your eyes close,
I'll brine, as before, the sight of true unhappiness.
Whisper I care,
Then gracious enough I let you go.

Remember me for the times I ruined you.
Not I made you smile.
Take this blade to my wrist,
Help me end what makes you ugly.
Swimming in the pools of my mind,
You come to me at night.
Leave me black and save yourself.

The story prolongs,
With each word my stomach starts to turn.
I've swallowed nails,
So I can never say your name.
Now words are heard through my eyes.

Can you see the fire that burns from my heart?
This song is for you,
So perfect.
Its my fault I can't sleep 'cause you're on my mind.
I have made an attempt to have you,
Tonight I will sleep with the gun in my mouth.
Good night my love.

TheDailyCrap

waaaazzzzaaaaa. Today's national day thing went rather well. Better than last year. Anyways, apologies to the upper secondary in the canteen today, the mobile system has not been fixed yet and it still sounds kindaaa muddy. yarp. other than that, everything went well I suppose! We even managed to keep all the equipment within 30 mins, 15 mins faster than last year because of our new recruits (Coolies). =D I stayed back in school until about 11am in 3peace slacking with yc, hamzah and foo, then foo started complaining about something I forgot about already before disappearing somewhere.
Anyways. Hamzah and I went to meet Foo and Vern at NovenaSquare before splitting up, with I and hamzah going over to Edwin's place to slack around before going to jam at Boon's.
After jamming and all, w'all went to UnitedSquare to pick up Ed's Amp. yay yay yay. 19kg of freaking cargo added. Slacked and swam @ ed's place & pool. yarp. talked about lotsa stuff. =D haaahh.
I just realised today that I don't sound like me at all when I'm singing. hahahahaha. As in my usual lazy murmuring voice? yarp. Realised that today when I was singing in Edwin's rooom while everyone else was slacking around. hmmmm! going to sleep now. Been a long day. gotta think of a name for the band too. =p take care and be good all!

Surreal

Had our annual setting-up-of-whole-school-for-national-day-performance today. Carted around all the equipment, fortunately with Justin's and the AV staff's help. At least we got some ice-cream from the office after it all. hah. Anyways. Everything went quite well. No system problems or anything. haha. managed to get home by 8.30 after it all. Going to jam tomorrow. Hope that we can finish our second song, with some luck.
Can't really pen down the rest of my thoughts.

So, till next time.
Outta here.

The Audition

It is what almost every musician anticipates every day. The chance to get to perform in front of an audience, the support, the appreciation, and the applause are one of the most highest points of being part of a performing band. I still remember myself being lost in another dimension during the performance, oblivious everything except the band, with a ominous voice in my head repeating to me that I couldn't possibly let everyone down now. Because all our sessions, all the times spent practicing, it all boiled down to this, one audition, one shot, one opportunity. And yeah, we did do a great job. The other bands did great too. respect, dudes. music music meeeaaaauuuussseeeek. =)

musicMadness

I think I'm becoming obsessed. Jam session on tuesday till 7.30, Sum41 Concert on wednesday till 10.30, Jammed again today till 6.30, and an audition after school tomorrow. Withdrawl symptoms will probably come in the middle of next week. Anyways, I should go to bed now, its gonna be another long day tomorrow. Stay tuned for more!

On Realisation

Last night, amid heartfelt words with a friend on the phone, I realised that I have been taking so many things in my life for granted. Through so many times that I felt that life had owed me something that was left unaccounted for, that I restrained and isolated myself from others, hoping to find a greater need in this life. I don't know why, but at the end of it all, at the end of every day, I still get overwhelmed with weariness as I look around my room, as if searching for answers.

I'm really sorry for what I have caused all these months. Somehow I'm still trying hard to forgive myself. Hopefully it will come before the night dawns on me. But sometimes, when things change, there's no turning back, right? There's no turning back.

whaaa?

Seven solid hours of art today. BAH. GOOD NIGHT.


What rating is your journal?
brought to you by Quizilla

BayBeats!

Hehe. In a surprisingly awful good mood now, after a seven hour non-stop music marathon at the Esplanade. Baybeats 2003. Local Bands such as Steel City Skies, Bigred.Moment, The Observatory, Better Than Run, Parousia (wheeeooweet!), plus a Japanese band , Buddistson. There were still many other great bands, some which I didnt understand, but still, all of them were unique and musical in their own special way. *grin* This was the first time I've heard our local bands come together in such a large music extravaganza, and I must say, I felt really impressed with their creativity and showmanship. Joshua and I especially enjoyed the Accoustic Christian band, Parousia. =) Really meaningful lyrics and great accoustic guitar. All adds up to fuel our passion towards music. Too bad we had to leave early, as a Emo-Indie Rock band, from the US, The Gloria Record, were playing last. Fantastic Stuff. Mad drummers, jumpy bassists, crazy guitarists and great vocalists. Oh yeaah.

Anyways, I've got to get off this computer thing now. School tomorrow.

Rock On Singapore!

Cute Without The "E" - TakingBackSunday

Your lipstick, his collar.. don't bother Angel,
I know exactly what goes on.

When everything you'll get is
Everything that you've wanted, princess.
Well which would you prefer?
My finger on the trigger, or
Me face down, down across your floor,
Me face down, down across your floor.
Well just so long as this thing's loaded.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
Let's go.

Don't bother trying to explain Angel.
I know exactly what goes on when you're on,
And how about I'm outside of your window
Watchin him keep the details covered.
You're such a sucker,
For a sweet talker, yeah.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
The only thing that I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin

Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me,
I know you well enough to know.

Why can't I feel anything,
from anyone other than you?
Why can't I feel anything,
from anyone other than you?

And all of this was all your fault,
And all of this.

I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason.
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
She'll destroy us all before she's through,
And find a way to blame somebody else.
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason.
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.

Still

I am feeling so pissed today, why can't anyone be nice and just try to appease me. I wonder how much a punching bag costs?

Weary

I tap away at this keyboard only because I have grown so weary of waiting. The silent pains that other people hide in their lives are the only consolation for those that I hide in mine. "It is not so much of me missing her but me missing the idea of her.."

As my heart grows mute with the painful numbness of reality, I eventually come to terms with the fact that there is really nothing left for me to do. The worst that can happen has happened, and I think there is nothing else that can hurt me now. It is now up to me to pick up whats left of my life and move on. I'm just glad that I've started so long ago and though the initial pain was so great, I know it will be good in the end; today's knowledge will be tomorrow's strength.

Zis ees Fiesta yaar?

The rainbow fiesta, yesterday, wasnt how I thought it would turn out to be.
For one thing, the wrong AV system arrived in the morning, from the wrong company. Which I blissfully didnt realise until the second company came, only to see another system in it's place. Some miscommunication between the teachers and the principal, I last heard.

Anyways, the request stall I was manning got overwhelming response, up to the point that we had to close the stall 2 hours before 4pm , as well as throw in up to four to five dedications per song, just to get everything read out. To those who didnt get your requested song, sorry, we tried.

Commercialised music sucks.

I brought along 450++ songs, with the intent to provide some refreshing, non-repetitive-non-radio-like music, only to realize, with all the commercialised-radio-brainwashed people out there, there was absolutely no chance of doing that.

I'm sorry.

To whom it might concern, especially those whom I might have brushed off in my agitated ( read: pissed off! ) mood yesterday, I'm sorry, thank you, please forgive.

Jaded - Mest


There's a time and place, for everything.
There's a reason why, certain people meet.
There's a destination, for everyone.
What's the explaination, when we're done?

All the summer nights spent wondering;
So many questions asked, but no one's answering.
Would it be okay if I left today?
Took my chances on; what you said was wrong.

I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret,
These years spent, so faded and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.
I'll never regret these years.

Now here I sit, so far away.
Remembering all our memories.
Its times like these that I miss you most,
Remembering when we were so close.

I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, we'll never regret,
These years spent, so faded and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.

I'll never forget the places we've been, you and I.
Our lives are slipping away.
Don't want to let time pass us by.

I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret.
These years, spent, so faded and reckless,
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.

Foolishness

Have you ever wondered what you were on this world for? Was it for love that you were created? Perhaps God had something else in mind.

Have you ever wondered what it is to love? Is it that strange fuzzy warmth or was it the aching within? Perhaps it was just you.

Have you ever wondered what it is to die? Do you feel pain or do you just fall asleep? Perhaps you felt no different from when you were alive.

I didn't smile, nor did I cry because it was all just a dream.

You're the super-slacker!!
Homework?
What's that? Studying? Not in your vocabulary.
You hardly study and almost never do your work
and yet, by some divine intervention, you're
still surviving. Go, you slacker, you!!


Which Stereotypical Singaporean Student Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

he he. stereotypically fitting.
i like.

Damned

Why do you have to lie to me?

Damned be you. Damned I am already, and I will take you down with me. Don't think that I never say or show it, I do not possess the capacity to be enraged. I hate to be angry. Thats why I never really get pissed off. Because I know that when I do get really pissed off, its not easy to quell the flames with simple lies anymore.

You smirk. You think you can get away with this. You laugh and think, "What an idiot." I'll play along. I'll be your idiot, at least for the moment. But when there's change of a moment, the suffocating haze will creep and encompass you; you will writhe and painfully gasp for the sweet scent of air.

It will come to this if you don't put on your brakes.

And for those who had read the previous entries, I'm sorry, this is how I write. Read it or beat it.

Inebriated

I have practically done nothing today, again, zero, zilch, nothing. Spent the whole day at home, trying to do something, but never really completing it. Ended up stoning, the fiendishly caustic memories plagueing once more. Never should have woken up today.

And its just a wonder how you can tear the fabric of my reality with nothing more than a glint of the corner of my blindspot and my life crumbles into sand dust even though I have numbed myself far enough not to be hurt again. How amazing is that? You didn't even have to stab me to kill me.

Yes, I am powerless to resist what you may bring me, be it satisfaction or devastation. Even in that locket lies a secret that is told, of hope, of dreams, of yearning, of desires. But I do not know what to make of it, for sure I have seen its power, yet, I remain skeptical and cynical to what it can achieve if left alone on its own devices. These concerns, are, however, not without reason.

"In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde

Fart Fart

finally got everything back up today. was time to move on to a new template anyways, so hows this look? heh.

@#$%@*&@!!!!!

Yes. My Blog has screwed up.

I won't say a word more, lest the whole post gets flooded with language that will render it NC-16.

Serenity

had a soccer match today versus some team from Singtel. the field was okay, both teams almost equally matched, and the weather was just right. had a great match, which ended in a draw, 4 - 4. joined Jonny, Sam, Lionel, Linus and a few others for dinner at mac after that. after which i took NEL back home.

seemed strange, how recurring thoughts of you plagues me every day. every hour. every minute. yet a greater longing lingers. perhaps its only the shadow of her i'm missing, not the present. but please forgive me, i should have never started with it in the first place.

on another note. the holidays will come to a end tomorrow. this is the last post that'll be here for a while, unless perhaps something bombastic happens or my brain suddenly gets a jolt of inspiration. he he.

in fact, i have done nothing, finished nothing, achieved nothing, and when i say nothing, i mean practically nothing, during this holidays. and yes, that includes my homework.

muahahaha.

Procrastination

I should be posting today. But I'll do it tomorrow? =)

I miss Nelle!!!! =~ gahahahahaha~

Déjà Vu

the barbeque went beautifully yesterday, we met up at bishan MRT station before proceeding to board our bus. some guys went to help the girls who were preparing the food to carry it over to the barbeque pit. the rest of us just went there to prepare the area. before long, the fire was ready and the food had arrived. Mr Tan dropped by too. the radio was playing great music, the food was great, the weather was great, everyone was in a happy mood. after some soccer and beach volleyball, we sat down on the sand to watch the constellations, the sky was quite clear that night, apart from a few drifting clouds.
after a few rounds of truth or dare amdist some hilarious scenes that the unfortunate victims were forced to participate in, we cleared up the pit and left the place, tired but happy.

anyways, woke up feeling shittified this morning. fell asleep again only to be rewoken 10 minutes later by Justin calling, asking to meet up at Bishan MRT on the way to school. he had to go for some PSL Ceremony, while I had my art lessons. which i spent most of taking bo-liao photographs with some other guys. heh. check them out in addition to the BBQ photos from last night.




umm..



did you have to put me on top of the two guys below? =|



Noel:EEEEEEEEEE!!!! Sean: WHOOAAHHHH!!!



zzzzzzzz.



Wot you lookin at, PUNK?



erm, arden, that water is meant for washing hands.



Cheeeeeeeeese.



aargaarggghhh!!!



justin and a few others playing cards after dinner.



oie, look up larh.



2 Love 01 United! *grin*



Jolin and Julian, trying to restart the fire.



sheesh I hate eating lemons!



er, another boliao shot taken by yours truly.



this wasn't my idea. honest.



Justin after a bottle of 30% Jim Beam. Undiluted.



a slightly more sober justin.



me!



Evelyn, Jixiang, Rachel and Jolin trying to um, hug a tree?



hehh. noel owes me lunch for this.



erm.. James..?



Edited by Evelyn-



aaaand now, the 2.36m tall Evelyn Xu!



Fang Min and Shu Ling, with Huey Jieh in the background.



arden, practicing the art of Gay-ism



evelyn, julian and huey jieh.



aaaarrrggghh!!!! where's the toilet!??!?!

How To Reduce Complaint At Work

Sundays

thats funny. the comments section disappeared mysteriously yesterday night, only to reappear this morning. strange.

and yes, i'm here on a Sunday morning, which means i've skipped church again. just remembered that i'm supposed to lead the Small Group today. which means, someone's gotta fill in for me till the next gathering.
heh. and my guitar cable just died out on me this morning.

how splendid.

Nothingness

for the past few days, even though you might not even have noticed that i was gone, thoughts of you still linger with me. that dark night, where i watched the constellations, gazing at your star sign, and how it's shape vaguely resembled the first letter of your name. and just then, when all the times flashed through the dark sky in front of me, when all the frayed memories resurfaced, that the inevitable truth dawned on me once again. and i asked myself,
why do i still miss you?

but i know i shouldnt, i can't. because it'll never be possible. it broke my heart to see you so sad yesterday. i still care for you, and no matter how hard i try, i'll never be able to change that godforsaken fact.

argh. i should just fuck off and sleep.

So Far Away

- Staind

This is my life.
It's not what it was before,
All these feelings I've shared.
And these are my dreams,
That I've never lived before.
Somebody shake me 'cause I,
I must be sleeping.

Now that we're here, so far away,
All the struggle we thought was in vain.
And all the mistakes, one life can take,
They all finally start to go away.
Now that we're here, so far away,
And I feel like I can face the day.
I can forgive, and I'm not ashamed,
To be the person I am today.

These are my words,
That I've never said before.
I think I'm doing okay.
And this is the smile,
That I've never shown before.
Somebody shake me 'cause I,
I must be sleeping.

I'm so afraid of waking,
Please don't shake me.
Afraid of waking,
Please dont shake me.

Maybe Not's

i wonder if everything now would be different if i hadnt held myself back, hadn't felt the blinding need to pull back into myself. the fear of rejection, the fear of heartache. was it all these that made me who i am today? perhaps its okay, i dont need anyone special. i have my friends, my sport, my music, my intrests, my family.
still, all amongst all these, sometimes, feelings, thoughts, emotions, all empty, tug at my heart, making me wonder.
is this worth all of this?
but its okay, somehow, through all these, i've learnt to invalidate my emotions. so i dont feel anything much anymore. for what i love, for what that makes me happy. i dont feel. i dont want. i dont need. you.

Indifference

draaagged myself out of bed this morning at 8am to go to church. father's day service. small group senior sunday school ( ass gee ass ass ass ) ( sgsss ) ( whatever ). lunch. back home. met rachel to collect her guitar. restringed the guitar. went to sleep ( almost ). online. blah blah blah. dinner. back. noise on guitar. online. blog.

and yes, i am a shrunken organ donor who loves to sniff mufflers.

Perspectives

woke up today at 11, and before long another day of the holiday rolls by without anything constructive being done. heh.

had a wierd dream last night. remember hearing a wierd two-tone sound repeating itself non-stop. so somehow, i was thinking it was someone with a guitar repeating the same two notes repeatedly, and it was PISSING ME OFF. so went around ( in my dream ) looking for that noisy fella for a while before waking up to discover I had forgotten to switch the cordless phone to standby before going to sleep and its low batt alarm was sounding. hmmm!

anyways, at least gonna go out tomorrow. the last day of the holidays before i have to go back to school everyday for my art preparation work.


you've changed..

once again, went to swee lee to buy some stuff with yuchern and rachel who wanted to check out the stuff there.

hahaha. i think i've been there once too often already. how'd i know? the staff there are starting to call me by name. heh. love the place (minus the studios) anyway.
yeah. decided to eat sushi at sakae with rachel. yc joined us later. got burnt by overload of wasabi in my soya sauce. aouwch~
heh. gotta make this a quick one. gonna sleep soon (now).

watashi waaaaa! ( ???? )

Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There

Last time I talked to you,
You were lonely and out of place.
You were looking down on me,
Lost out in space.
Laid underneath the stars,
Strung out and feeling brave.
Watch the riddles glow,
Watch them float away.

Down here in the atmosphere,
Garbage and city lights.
You gotta save your tired soul,
You gotta save our lives.
Turn on the radio,
To find you on satellite,
I'm waiting for the sky to fall,
I'm waiting for a sign.

All we are is all so far.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

Hope you remember me,
when you're homesick and need a change.
I miss your purple hair,
I miss the way you taste.

I know you'll come back someday,
on a bed of nails awake.
I'm praying that you don't burn out,
or fade away.
And all we are is all so far.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me.

Well I know,
I know.

You're falling out of reach.

I know...

listening to the songs that once gave me hope in you.
i realized that all these hopes, were just another figment of my imagination.
a hope that would never come true, as it only existed in me.
always will miss the times we spent talking.
still, you will always be a part of me.
i miss you. but i guess that's the way it has to be.
i'm sorry.

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

now, thats mighty good bullshit.

You are the fox.


Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

25+ Bikers.
9 Hours.
60.2 Kilometres.
ECP -> SG Indoor Stadium -> Nicoll Highway -> Esplanade -> Changi Safra Resort -> Changi Airport Runway.
Top Speed of 43.0 km/h.
Average Speed of 16.4km/h

I gotta find time to do this more often.

Just right after I get back all feeling in my arse.

wonder why i feel so listless today.
ah well, going off for my overnight biking in 2010 Hours.
provided i stay awake long enough..

Your picture still remains, but I wonder
Are you still the same?

Okay, for everyone ( especially the people who have been complaining about the ceaseless posting of lyrics in this blog ), here's a ACTUAL entry ( yes, no lyrics. )

Ah, somehow it seems that the quality of the Jam Session DOES affect my immediate mood after it. Went to Swee Lee studios today, must say i was ( and still am ) utterly disgusted with the state of the studios there. If you dont know what I'm talking about, try playing in a studio with guitars with NO straps, misaligned and broken strings, fucked up pickups, trashy sockets, faulty wall sockets for the amplifiers, cables strewn all over the floor, not to mention a drumset that was falling apart, NO music stand and NO microphone stand. ( not that we could use the microphone as it was broken for us already. )

which plainly sucks.

explaining my mood now.
fuck, needless to say, i'm NOT going there again.

Blink 182 - Story Of A Lonely Guy

Push it out, fake a smile
Avert disaster, just in time.
I need a drink, cause in a while,
Worthless answer from friends in mind.
It's dumb to ask, cool to ignore.
Girls posess me, but they're never mine.
I made my entrance, avoided hazards,
Checked my engine, I fell behind.

I fell behind.

She makes me feel like it's raining outside,
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside.
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom.
I get too scared to move, cause I'm a fuckin' boy.

Remember when I was in the grocery store, now's my time.
Lost the words, lost my nerve, lost the girl, left a line.
I would wish upon a star, but that star, it doesn't shine.
So read my book with a boring ending,
A short story of a lonely guy.

I fell behind.

She makes me feel like it's raining outside.
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside.
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom.
I get too scared to move, cause i'm a fuckin' boy.

She makes me feel like it's raining outside.
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside.
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom.
I get too scared to move, cause I'm still just a stupid worthless boy.

Silverstein - Friends In Fallriver

Your life lives half a nation away, my heart hurts so.
I believe letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life.
What did I do? Alone and confused.
What can I say? What can I do?

I’m heading the wrong way home.
Knowing alone is alone.
It’s just too difficult to be just me instead of we.

What did I do? Alone and confused. What can I say? Nothing.
I don’t know where to begin since you left me for him.
I don’t know where to begin and you left me for him.
I don’t want to start again, and I can’t be your friend.
I don’t know where to begin since you left me for him.

<+xovoidua-> there's so many people now.
* @tea-n-you shouts... "Jiaen!"
<+xovoidua-> but theres no netsplit!
<@tea-n-you> no reply. hmmm...
Quits. canpro (lexus@bb220-255-118-197.singnet.com.sg) (online-hub.be.galaxynet.org Boston-Hub.US.GalaxyNet.Org)
Quits. yc- (liabilityy@cm78.gamma184.maxonline.com.sg) (online-hub.be.galaxynet.org Boston-Hub.US.GalaxyNet.Org)
Quits. PuLP (implement-@bb-203-125-46-69.singnet.com.sg) (online-hub.be.galaxynet.org Boston-Hub.US.GalaxyNet.Org)
Joins. handsome7 (nil@cm30.gamma242.maxonline.com.sg)
<+xovoidua-> what the fuck.
<@tea-n-you> well done
* Luc|a`- sets mode: +v handsome7
<+xovoidua-> i think i should shut my mouth
<@tea-n-you> *clap clap clap clap clap*
<+handsome7> what happened???

I really think I should shut my mouth in future. Why?
Read Below.

New Found Glory - Sincerely Me

Dear: Your Name Here,
It's been a long time, very long time,
Since I've heard your voice.
And I bet she never thought I was,
So sorry so.
I've had a hard time, very hard time,
Seeing less of you.
I never thought you knew.

So can you see you're seeing less of me darling?
And you're blind to the fact that my,
Heart stopped beating.
And I'm as good as dead.
And I'm as good as dead.

Dear I forgot your name again,
Just picking up where I left off.
Oh yeah, This is the part where you leave me.
So sorry so.
I've had a hard time, very hard time,
Seeing less of you,
I never thought you knew.

So can you see you're seeing less of me darling?
And you're blind to the fact that my,
Heart stopped beating.
And I'm as good as dead.
This is all I have to say.

Need more blank CDs!!! AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!

Finch - Letters To You

Can't you see that I wanna be there with open arms?
It's empty tonight and I'm all alone,
Get me through this one.

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so.
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so.

I'm writing again these letters to you on much I know,
But I'm not sleeping and you're not here.
The thought stops my heart.

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so.
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so.

No more looking I've found her.
I'm gone away...
I'm gone away.

Gahhh. Couldn't help myself.

Fuel - Shimmer

She calls me from the cold,
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable.
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label.
She says she's ashamed,
And can she take me for awhile.
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past,
But maybe I'm not able.
And I break at the bend.

We're here and now, but will we ever be again?
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade.
Away, again.

She dreams a champagne dream.
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper.
Lavender and cream.
Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her.
She says that love is for fools who fall behind.
And I'm somewhere in between.
I never really know,
A killer from a savior.
'Til I break at the bend.

We're here and now, but will we ever be again?
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade.
Away, again.

It's too far away for me to hold,
It's too far away..
Guess I'll let it go.

All-American Rejects - The Last Song

This may be the last thing that I write for long.
Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song,
For you and only you.

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye.
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye.
My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now.

You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now I'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow.
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want?
Is this what you need? How you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know.
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope,
That you will miss me when I'm gone,
This is the last song.

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone.
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on.
It seems so surreal, now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that I would be this way.
Somehow I knew that I would slowly fade.
Now I'm gone, just try and stop me now.

And will you need me now, you'll find a way somehow
You want it too, I want it too.

AudioVent - Beautiful Addiction

Change the bag
This IV's draining
And I'm afraid.
I need another taste to keep me high.
Inebriated, broken, jaded
Still I need more of you inside.
The pain you deal just kills me better,
The pain is all that keeps me alive.

You don't need your words
To sound like this
I am the hell that saved you
Now, all of your time
Is wasted through
I am the hell that saved you.

Maybe it's manipulation
Who's to say?
And maybe I'm a fool
But it's my life.
I hate to love to love to hate you.
But there's no end for me in sight.
So I'll be hooked on hating you
While you continue to suck me dry.

You don't need your words
To sound like this.
I am the hell that saved you.
Now, all of your time
Is wasted through.
I am the hell that saved you.

You're just too beautiful.
Another fool am I.
You want me on my knees
You're just too beautiful.
Another fool am I.
You've got me down on my knees.

You don't need your words
To sound like this.
I am the hell that saved you
Now, all of your time
Is wasted through.
I am the hell that saved you
That saved you.

Epidemic - Walk Away

No time to register the words you say
As I am stepping over you
And it's a sad state of affairs.
Don't even pretend we're not aware, turned cold.

Walk away.
Untouched, I can't relate to anyone.
Try to be a humble man
A better son, a better friend.
But life gets in the way.

No time to register the shame I feel
As I try not to notice you.
It's a sad state of affairs
To ignore this wrongness everywhere.
Don't Go.

Walk away.
Untouched, I can't relate to anyone.
Try to be a humble man
A better son, a better friend.
But life gets in the way.

It's the way, we silence our senses.
A way, to smother the impulse.
Suffocate the senses.
Suffocate the impulse.
We bury pain, and tramp the dirt down.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Very High
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Yeah yeah, I cheated. So what.

Staind - Take It

I feel like this won't go away
no matter how hard I try
to squeeze my eyes shut
so i can't see the pain
in you - this pain in me.
In me.

But everything that I can say to you
Wont help you, everything you need is right in front of you
Just take it.

I know that I am really not here
to represent what I am not clear
about in my head. sometimes,
I feel fucked up just like you do.
Like you do.

But everything that I can say to you
Wont help you, everything you need is right in front of you
Just take it.

Try to make it through the daily pain
That you feel - maybe tomorrow won't be so bad.
I know it.

'Cause I once felt that way.
Nothing I could say.
Made it go away.
I lived through this.
I still feel this.
I just live for my tomorrow.

Make it go away
Just make it go away
She'll make it go away.

Korn - Alone I Break

Pick me up
Been bleeding too long.
Right here, right now
I'll stop it somehow.

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more.
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone.
These feelings will be gone.
These feelings will be gone.

Now I see the times they change
Leaving us, it seems so strange.
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind.
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break.
I have lived the best I can,
Does this make me not a man?

Shut me off.
I'm ready
Heart stops.
I stand alone
Can't be my own.

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more.
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone.
These feelings will be gone.
These feelings will be gone.

Now I see the times they change
Leaving us, it seems so strange.
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind.
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break.
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm hanging from?
Is there nothing more to come?
Is it always black in space?
Am I going take its place?
Am I going to leave this race?
I guess God's up in this place?
What is it that I've become?
Is there something more to come?

Now I see the times they change
Leaving us, it seems so strange.
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind.
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break.
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Staind - Change

If ever you had said to me before,
That I would leave this life that I am living now
I guess it's all so strange.

To feel the way I do inside
Have so much that I could feel
Some pride for in my life
So why is it that I feel like this?

How do I feel? I've been here before. I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within me, I need this.
Keep it all down, all bottled inside, it breaks me.
To torment again and torture me like it used to.

I try and try to break away from all the hate
I'm feeling for every one of you that's ever done me wrong.
I need to justify the reasons for the way I'm living.
I guess I can't 'cause I don't feel like I deserve.

So now the waves they have subsided
And my soul is bleeding I can't take away the shame I feel.
Forgive me.

How do I feel? I've been here before. I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within me, I need this.
Keep it all down, all bottled inside, it breaks me.
To torment again and torture me like it used to.

12 Stones - Crash

As I lie tossing in my bed,
Lost in my fears remembering what you said.
And I try to hide the truth within
The mask of myself shows its face again.
Still I lie time and time again
Will you deny me when we meet again?

And I feel like I'm falling
Farther every day.
But I know that you're there
Watching over me.
And I feel like I'm drowning
The waves crashing over me
But I know that your love
It will set me free.

As I find truth where I found it times before
As I search for your hope
I'm finding so much more
And I try to be more like you
And I deny myself to prove my heart is true.

I hear your voice calling
The time has come for me.
Inside this life I’m living
There’s nothing left for me
My mind is slowly fading
So far away from me.
Each time I start crawling
You’re there watching me.

Stone Sour - Bother

Wish I was too dead to cry,
My self-affliction fades.
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater.
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be.
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds.

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all.
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying.

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds.

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgottenwith its memories
Diaries left with cryptic entries.

And you don't need to bother
I don't need to be.
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds.

You don't need to bother,
I don't need to be.
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I'll never live down my deceit.

Saliva - Rest In Pieces

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did.
It has not healed with time
It just shot down my spine.
You look so beautiful tonight
Reminds me how you laid us down,
And gently smiled before you destroyed my life.

Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away?
And let me rest in pieces.
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away?
And let me rest in pieces.

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
You got much closer than I thought you did.
I'm in your reach
You held me in your hands.

But could you find it in your heart,
To make this go away?
And let me rest in pieces.
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away.
And let me rest in pieces.

Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away.
And let me rest in pieces.

12 Stones - Broken

Alone again again alone
Patiently waiting by the phone
Hoping that you will call me home
The pain inside my love denied
Hopes and dreams swallowed by pride
Everything I need it lies in you.

‘Cause I’m broken
You know I need you now.
Deep inside I'm broken
You see the way I live
I know, know your heart is broken
When I turn away
I need to be broken
Take the pain away.

I question why you chose to die
When you knew your truth I would deny
You look at me
The tears begin to fall
And all in all faith is blind
But I fail time after time
Daily in my sin I take your life.

All the hate deep inside
Slowly covering my eyes
All these things I hide
Away from you again.
All this fear holding me
My heart is cold and I believe
Nothing’s gonna change
Til I love again.

school sucks.

3 Doors Down - When I'm Gone

There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There's secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away..
Maybe I'm just blind.

Maybe I'm just blind.

So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything you need
I'll also be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone

Love me when I'm gone.

When your education x-ray
Can not see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
Roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone.

Love me when I'm gone..

Love me when I'm gone..
When I'm Gone
When I'm Gone
When I'm Gone.

sheeeeesh. no one online? at 8.30? jeez. seems like i'm the only one left home.
ah well, went biking today to upper pierce reservior.. cycled around for awhile, then sat down at some rocks, and thought over lots of stuff. i dont know. hahahaha. long time since i've stopped to really think about stuff. dint really figure out much anyway.
well, i'm back home now. typing this crap after my bath and dinner. really tired. i think i'll sleep early today. bye.

yo! back at the com again. whoooo. yesterday's jam session was quite okay, except that my amp sucked, kept overheating and cutting me off halfway, and the distorter which basically didnt give out any distortion because of the flat battery. hahaha. but still, it was cool. We jammed Kryptonite and Hate To Say I Told You So.. not that great sound from us, just missing a few rhythm brushups. i broke an electric guitar's E string too. LOL. i wanna go try it out again! think we should be able to do better after hearing the songs at home a few more times. yeah guys? =D

Yeaaaaaah. Finally going for the Jam Session today. Just finished printing all the tabs out for the bass and everything. Just hope the session turns out okay. Before that, gotta drop by school to pick up some books. catch ya later!

These are the pictures from 30/03/03 night.












pictures scanned by yuchern. thanks!


Whoo, this excuses me from blogging for a week!

there's a reason to all this.

whoooo. I'm back in blogging business again! Just came back from jiajia's house yesterday. It's really nice. I think her father is a big fan of Bang&Olufsen stuff.. hahaha. We watched 8mile and played GTA on her bro's PS2 there.. it was fun, dropping tanks everywhere and crashing through town on one. And we ate lots of chocolate and pizza, courtesy of her mom. lol. I think I kinda ate too much.
Well, today was the usual quarantine schedule of eat, sleep, online, sleep, eat, tv, online, sleep. Not much more to say I guess. dohh. BYE.

Okay, it just started raining, that explains it.

Correction, there are people online, the majority of which consists of parkers or people who have fallen asleep at their keyboard. which kinda makes no difference. ah well, at least joshua and shane is active.
hmm. I just noticed, is it just me, or is the sky looking kinda sick this morning? I mean, for a time near midday, it's looking the colour of piss. Yeah, PISS. so until the colour changes, i think i'll stick home for the time being.
saaaaave me.

Gaaaaah!!! there's NO ONE ONLINE!

whaaaao. just got back home from dinner with jiayi, vern, lb, yc and yw.. ate at pastamania, then went upstairs cos yw and yc wanted to find out what was all the noise was abt at the open plaza. turned out to be another gay band. gahahahaha. with their usual entourage of crazy, screaming, deprived females. maadness.
After that went to some remote field to fire the 7 rockets that i made at home. gahahaha. you know what. i think i'm getting better at making rockets. gonna try again on tues, if time permits. =DDD
Here's some quiz i got from yuwen's blog.

My personality is rated 30.
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

gaaaaaah! i should try being more evil then!!
What is yours?quiz by midgetfarm.com

oh well.
Turned 16 today. big deal. It's gonna end in half an hour's time anyways. Basically, did nothing today, just stuck myself in my chair and stared blankly at the computer screen. I think the taskbar is probably burned into my retinas by now.
Wanted to go out, but just as I was about to ask people to go, the heavens let go and it started to pour. greaaaat. how nice eh? =)

hey waitaminute, the taskbar IS burned into my retinas!

Sometimes, I don't understand people. Nor myself.

Today, I realised that everyone's crying out for joy at the holidays declared due to a death. And our term will be taken into the first week of our school holidays. Great. And this is the type of "advance notice" MOE gives us, with all our books and material in school, what'd they expect us to do throughout these so called "holidays"? Basically everyone is grounded now, leaving IRC with an extra load of users who are stuck at home all day.

Everyone's problems seems to be resurfacing again, and it just feels so funny, the way problems seem to wait in a corner before coming out in waves, non-stop. There is so much running through my mind now, I cannot seem to think or do simple things without forgetting about what I was supposed to do and drifting off into my own thoughts again.

I think I should just fuck off and sleep.

Which Member of the Endless Are You?

ahhhh. soccer overload! had 2 interchurch soccer matches on sunday, soccer after school till 5pm yesterday, and soccer today at bishan court. i gotta get myself unhooked. won't be surprised if i fall over sideways when i get up tomorrow morning. hmmm. the weather is its usual hot self nowadays, making everyone ( teachers ) especially irritable, resulting in us ( me ) getting scolded for nothing throughout the day. ahhhh. who gives a shit anyway.
ROCKS!

woaaaaah. it must be like, 35degrees c outside! just came back from collecting some photos i sent for development.. well.. yesterday was cool.. went out with jiayi, joel, and lindee to watch maid in manhatten at Orchard Cineleisure.. and there happened to be a breakdancing contest organised by Anchor on the same day! so.. after buying the tix.. we went down to watch them break .. but most of the time i was distracted by the 3 DJ's rippin the vinyl up at their booth. whooooo!!! thats what i call Bboy culture!.. oh yea, there were 2 female breakers there as well. and all the guys went nuts when they came out to perform. =DD still cant get my mind of those 3 DJs though, hahaha. skraatchhers!!! LOL. yesterday nite was crap. made up some stupid story which everyone took turns to add on to. hahahaha. you can read it here!
[Currently Playing] Linkin Park - Don't Stay.mp3

ahhh. long time since i've updated my blog. haha.. sorta wasnt in the mood for the whole week. yeeeah, dont ask. well.. CA results are back. failed chinese, maths, humanities. baaah. rainy day today, and peer tutoring was cancelled. so went to the bookshop at novena square to browse a little before going home. bathed, slept, and here i am. sheesh. wonder how they're gonna conduct the sports heats in this kinda weather. dohhhh. BYE.
[Currently Playing] Busted - Loser Kid.mp3

hmmmmm. funny. seems like everyone went out while i was sleeping. now i'm home alone. ah well. woke up 1/2 hour late today.. and reached school 45mins late~ i'm lazy on saturdays! =D den manned the system for the prefects investiture ( booooooooooring. ) lolz.. after that went down to 'steal' some food =P.. den went for lunch with joel, rach, yw at long johns. hmmmm. i wonder whats gonna happen with J8 now that almost all the major shops are closin down. Daimaru's goin soon too! hmmm. wonder how're they gonna replace all those shops. ah well. J8 needed a change anyway, so it's probably all for the better =DD.
[Currently Playing] Story Of The Year - Until The Day I Die.mp3

ahhh. i think i sorta injured my leg. we were playin soccer and someone crossed the ball in and i tried to ram it in, hard! ( cos isaac was goalkeeper. muahaha. ) but i missed the ball ( cos i suck! =D ) and there was a "crrrk" sound somewhere near my knee. after that couldnt really walk properly. dammn. gonna sleep after i finish this since there's no one online .. sigh. dun wanna go sch tomorrow!
[Currently Playing] Simple Plan - When I'm With You

yo! i'm in the school library now, supposed to be doin some Art research. baaah. borin. leslie's beside me. also doin crap.. lol. he's lookin over now. hmmmmm. teacher gone to general office to do sumthin so we're kinda unsupervised =DD
[Currently Playing] Jars Of Clay - Worlds Apart.mp3

oh yeah, just remembered. found out that the Star Struck 2 is on channel U on sunday night. =D wonder if they'll show us .. LOL.
[Currently Playing] Simple Plan - I'd Do Anything.mp3

heeeeyyyya! lolz... there's no one active online as usual.. so gotta update this blog. yeeeah. watched hot chick yest! haha.. er. it was okay i guess. lol.. funny.. but gay. yeah, gay. LOL... went for the show with vernie.. jiajiaz.. and da birthday boy, andrew! =DD yeeap. hmm. nothin special that i can remember tt happened today, just the same old routine. =\ ah well. .. ... ..... .. . ... can't think of anythin else. bah. =DDD
[Currently Playing] Zed - Renegade Fighter.mp3

bleeeeeah. just came back from junction 8. went with sum guys to watch a movie.. den we were late for it and decided to catch it another day -_- .. den saw some channel u pple filming some show.. dunno wad Star Struck 2 ( sumthin like that ) den we were on the 4th storey watchin them downstairs and making alot of noise.. den one of the hosts ( michelle i think ) looked up and called us to come down. haha. den the cameramen all started filming us upstairs. whaha. den we ran away and came back on the other side and started makin noise to attract their attention again. haha. den they look up again & leslie stood there staring into the camera for like 1 min while the rest of us were laughing our asses off in the background. we were sorta doin the opposite of what we went to J8 to do eh? instead of watching a film, we were makin one! =D hahahahz.. den we went into food junction to eat dinner.. dint feel really hungry so just bought chendol =\. after tt we went down again to disturb the hosts more.. hahahaha.. den saw the guy and girl sittin on the bench. and leslie kept on sayin to the guy " ni zhen de hen shuai leh! " hahaz.. den evryone kept surroundin the guy and the girl host beside him was like -_____-" ( why does he always get all the attention. ) .. LOL. den took sum dumb photos with them usin leslie's and jay's fone. i'll try to post the photos here if i get it yea? =DD
[Currently Playing] Homegrown - I'll Never Fall In Love.mp3

crap. blogger was down the whole of this afternoon for server maintenance and only got to use it now.. hahaz.. didnt turn up at school today cos asthma was really bad and couldn't breathe properly... lol.. hope i'll get well enough to go back to school tomorrow. staying at home alone sucks!! actually wanted to go today, but when i woke up couldnt breathe well, so decided to go back to sleep.. den woke up around 10am.. den took some medicine and slacked around playing PS (some old game) den ate lunch ( wellz.. half of it =d ) and went back to sleep again.. den woke up feelin slightly better and started tidying my room.. ( nothin else to do .. =\ ) aand came back to check on the blogger status. lolz. its finally workin.. yeahh. =D ... oh yea!! went to cut hair too.. LOL.
[Currently Playing] Sixpence None The Richer - Breathe Your Name.mp3

what's small, furry and plays music?

=DDDDD

damn. dint intend to blog today. ahhh. but there's no one online and i'm here by myself =( so.. just gotta keep myself busy eh. yeeeah. haha. forgot to set the alarm yest nite to wake me at 7.45.. so woke up at 8.30 and reached sch by 9.15 ( just in time. whew.)
lol. den set up the system and sat around playin guitar .. whaha. den after that went home for my lunch ( i was broke =| ) and slacked around at home for the rest of the day ... still down with the flu.. ahhhh.