Love To Hate, Hate To Me - AStaticLullaby
Read the tale of my desire,
A book of hate.
1000 Volts for every smile you gave me.
As your eyes close,
I'll brine, as before, the sight of true unhappiness.
Whisper I care,
Then gracious enough I let you go.
Remember me for the times I ruined you.
Not I made you smile.
Take this blade to my wrist,
Help me end what makes you ugly.
Swimming in the pools of my mind,
You come to me at night.
Leave me black and save yourself.
The story prolongs,
With each word my stomach starts to turn.
I've swallowed nails,
So I can never say your name.
Now words are heard through my eyes.
Can you see the fire that burns from my heart?
This song is for you,
So perfect.
Its my fault I can't sleep 'cause you're on my mind.
I have made an attempt to have you,
Tonight I will sleep with the gun in my mouth.
Good night my love.
Saturday, August 09, 2003
TheDailyCrap
waaaazzzzaaaaa. Today's national day thing went rather well. Better than last year. Anyways, apologies to the upper secondary in the canteen today, the mobile system has not been fixed yet and it still sounds kindaaa muddy. yarp. other than that, everything went well I suppose! We even managed to keep all the equipment within 30 mins, 15 mins faster than last year because of our new recruits (Coolies). =D I stayed back in school until about 11am in 3peace slacking with yc, hamzah and foo, then foo started complaining about something I forgot about already before disappearing somewhere.
Anyways. Hamzah and I went to meet Foo and Vern at NovenaSquare before splitting up, with I and hamzah going over to Edwin's place to slack around before going to jam at Boon's.
After jamming and all, w'all went to UnitedSquare to pick up Ed's Amp. yay yay yay. 19kg of freaking cargo added. Slacked and swam @ ed's place & pool. yarp. talked about lotsa stuff. =D haaahh.
I just realised today that I don't sound like me at all when I'm singing. hahahahaha. As in my usual lazy murmuring voice? yarp. Realised that today when I was singing in Edwin's rooom while everyone else was slacking around. hmmmm! going to sleep now. Been a long day. gotta think of a name for the band too. =p take care and be good all!
waaaazzzzaaaaa. Today's national day thing went rather well. Better than last year. Anyways, apologies to the upper secondary in the canteen today, the mobile system has not been fixed yet and it still sounds kindaaa muddy. yarp. other than that, everything went well I suppose! We even managed to keep all the equipment within 30 mins, 15 mins faster than last year because of our new recruits (Coolies). =D I stayed back in school until about 11am in 3peace slacking with yc, hamzah and foo, then foo started complaining about something I forgot about already before disappearing somewhere.
Anyways. Hamzah and I went to meet Foo and Vern at NovenaSquare before splitting up, with I and hamzah going over to Edwin's place to slack around before going to jam at Boon's.
After jamming and all, w'all went to UnitedSquare to pick up Ed's Amp. yay yay yay. 19kg of freaking cargo added. Slacked and swam @ ed's place & pool. yarp. talked about lotsa stuff. =D haaahh.
I just realised today that I don't sound like me at all when I'm singing. hahahahaha. As in my usual lazy murmuring voice? yarp. Realised that today when I was singing in Edwin's rooom while everyone else was slacking around. hmmmm! going to sleep now. Been a long day. gotta think of a name for the band too. =p take care and be good all!
Thursday, August 07, 2003
Surreal
Had our annual setting-up-of-whole-school-for-national-day-performance today. Carted around all the equipment, fortunately with Justin's and the AV staff's help. At least we got some ice-cream from the office after it all. hah. Anyways. Everything went quite well. No system problems or anything. haha. managed to get home by 8.30 after it all. Going to jam tomorrow. Hope that we can finish our second song, with some luck.
Can't really pen down the rest of my thoughts.
So, till next time.
Outta here.
Had our annual setting-up-of-whole-school-for-national-day-performance today. Carted around all the equipment, fortunately with Justin's and the AV staff's help. At least we got some ice-cream from the office after it all. hah. Anyways. Everything went quite well. No system problems or anything. haha. managed to get home by 8.30 after it all. Going to jam tomorrow. Hope that we can finish our second song, with some luck.
Can't really pen down the rest of my thoughts.
So, till next time.
Outta here.
Saturday, August 02, 2003
The Audition
It is what almost every musician anticipates every day. The chance to get to perform in front of an audience, the support, the appreciation, and the applause are one of the most highest points of being part of a performing band. I still remember myself being lost in another dimension during the performance, oblivious everything except the band, with a ominous voice in my head repeating to me that I couldn't possibly let everyone down now. Because all our sessions, all the times spent practicing, it all boiled down to this, one audition, one shot, one opportunity. And yeah, we did do a great job. The other bands did great too. respect, dudes. music music meeeaaaauuuussseeeek. =)
It is what almost every musician anticipates every day. The chance to get to perform in front of an audience, the support, the appreciation, and the applause are one of the most highest points of being part of a performing band. I still remember myself being lost in another dimension during the performance, oblivious everything except the band, with a ominous voice in my head repeating to me that I couldn't possibly let everyone down now. Because all our sessions, all the times spent practicing, it all boiled down to this, one audition, one shot, one opportunity. And yeah, we did do a great job. The other bands did great too. respect, dudes. music music meeeaaaauuuussseeeek. =)
Thursday, July 31, 2003
musicMadness
I think I'm becoming obsessed. Jam session on tuesday till 7.30, Sum41 Concert on wednesday till 10.30, Jammed again today till 6.30, and an audition after school tomorrow. Withdrawl symptoms will probably come in the middle of next week. Anyways, I should go to bed now, its gonna be another long day tomorrow. Stay tuned for more!
I think I'm becoming obsessed. Jam session on tuesday till 7.30, Sum41 Concert on wednesday till 10.30, Jammed again today till 6.30, and an audition after school tomorrow. Withdrawl symptoms will probably come in the middle of next week. Anyways, I should go to bed now, its gonna be another long day tomorrow. Stay tuned for more!
Sunday, July 27, 2003
On Realisation
Last night, amid heartfelt words with a friend on the phone, I realised that I have been taking so many things in my life for granted. Through so many times that I felt that life had owed me something that was left unaccounted for, that I restrained and isolated myself from others, hoping to find a greater need in this life. I don't know why, but at the end of it all, at the end of every day, I still get overwhelmed with weariness as I look around my room, as if searching for answers.
I'm really sorry for what I have caused all these months. Somehow I'm still trying hard to forgive myself. Hopefully it will come before the night dawns on me. But sometimes, when things change, there's no turning back, right? There's no turning back.
Last night, amid heartfelt words with a friend on the phone, I realised that I have been taking so many things in my life for granted. Through so many times that I felt that life had owed me something that was left unaccounted for, that I restrained and isolated myself from others, hoping to find a greater need in this life. I don't know why, but at the end of it all, at the end of every day, I still get overwhelmed with weariness as I look around my room, as if searching for answers.
I'm really sorry for what I have caused all these months. Somehow I'm still trying hard to forgive myself. Hopefully it will come before the night dawns on me. But sometimes, when things change, there's no turning back, right? There's no turning back.
Saturday, July 26, 2003
whaaa?
Seven solid hours of art today. BAH. GOOD NIGHT.
What rating is your journal?
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Seven solid hours of art today. BAH. GOOD NIGHT.
What rating is your journal?
brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, July 20, 2003
BayBeats!
Hehe. In a surprisingly awful good mood now, after a seven hour non-stop music marathon at the Esplanade. Baybeats 2003. Local Bands such as Steel City Skies, Bigred.Moment, The Observatory, Better Than Run, Parousia (wheeeooweet!), plus a Japanese band , Buddistson. There were still many other great bands, some which I didnt understand, but still, all of them were unique and musical in their own special way. *grin* This was the first time I've heard our local bands come together in such a large music extravaganza, and I must say, I felt really impressed with their creativity and showmanship. Joshua and I especially enjoyed the Accoustic Christian band, Parousia. =) Really meaningful lyrics and great accoustic guitar. All adds up to fuel our passion towards music. Too bad we had to leave early, as a Emo-Indie Rock band, from the US, The Gloria Record, were playing last. Fantastic Stuff. Mad drummers, jumpy bassists, crazy guitarists and great vocalists. Oh yeaah.
Anyways, I've got to get off this computer thing now. School tomorrow.
Rock On Singapore!
Hehe. In a surprisingly awful good mood now, after a seven hour non-stop music marathon at the Esplanade. Baybeats 2003. Local Bands such as Steel City Skies, Bigred.Moment, The Observatory, Better Than Run, Parousia (wheeeooweet!), plus a Japanese band , Buddistson. There were still many other great bands, some which I didnt understand, but still, all of them were unique and musical in their own special way. *grin* This was the first time I've heard our local bands come together in such a large music extravaganza, and I must say, I felt really impressed with their creativity and showmanship. Joshua and I especially enjoyed the Accoustic Christian band, Parousia. =) Really meaningful lyrics and great accoustic guitar. All adds up to fuel our passion towards music. Too bad we had to leave early, as a Emo-Indie Rock band, from the US, The Gloria Record, were playing last. Fantastic Stuff. Mad drummers, jumpy bassists, crazy guitarists and great vocalists. Oh yeaah.
Anyways, I've got to get off this computer thing now. School tomorrow.
Rock On Singapore!
Saturday, July 19, 2003
Cute Without The "E" - TakingBackSunday
Your lipstick, his collar.. don't bother Angel,
I know exactly what goes on.
When everything you'll get is
Everything that you've wanted, princess.
Well which would you prefer?
My finger on the trigger, or
Me face down, down across your floor,
Me face down, down across your floor.
Well just so long as this thing's loaded.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
Let's go.
Don't bother trying to explain Angel.
I know exactly what goes on when you're on,
And how about I'm outside of your window
Watchin him keep the details covered.
You're such a sucker,
For a sweet talker, yeah.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
The only thing that I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me,
I know you well enough to know.
Why can't I feel anything,
from anyone other than you?
Why can't I feel anything,
from anyone other than you?
And all of this was all your fault,
And all of this.
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason.
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
She'll destroy us all before she's through,
And find a way to blame somebody else.
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason.
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
Your lipstick, his collar.. don't bother Angel,
I know exactly what goes on.
When everything you'll get is
Everything that you've wanted, princess.
Well which would you prefer?
My finger on the trigger, or
Me face down, down across your floor,
Me face down, down across your floor.
Well just so long as this thing's loaded.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
Let's go.
Don't bother trying to explain Angel.
I know exactly what goes on when you're on,
And how about I'm outside of your window
Watchin him keep the details covered.
You're such a sucker,
For a sweet talker, yeah.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
The only thing that I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me,
I know you well enough to know.
Why can't I feel anything,
from anyone other than you?
Why can't I feel anything,
from anyone other than you?
And all of this was all your fault,
And all of this.
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason.
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
She'll destroy us all before she's through,
And find a way to blame somebody else.
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason.
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
Weary
I tap away at this keyboard only because I have grown so weary of waiting. The silent pains that other people hide in their lives are the only consolation for those that I hide in mine. "It is not so much of me missing her but me missing the idea of her.."
As my heart grows mute with the painful numbness of reality, I eventually come to terms with the fact that there is really nothing left for me to do. The worst that can happen has happened, and I think there is nothing else that can hurt me now. It is now up to me to pick up whats left of my life and move on. I'm just glad that I've started so long ago and though the initial pain was so great, I know it will be good in the end; today's knowledge will be tomorrow's strength.
I tap away at this keyboard only because I have grown so weary of waiting. The silent pains that other people hide in their lives are the only consolation for those that I hide in mine. "It is not so much of me missing her but me missing the idea of her.."
As my heart grows mute with the painful numbness of reality, I eventually come to terms with the fact that there is really nothing left for me to do. The worst that can happen has happened, and I think there is nothing else that can hurt me now. It is now up to me to pick up whats left of my life and move on. I'm just glad that I've started so long ago and though the initial pain was so great, I know it will be good in the end; today's knowledge will be tomorrow's strength.
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Zis ees Fiesta yaar?
The rainbow fiesta, yesterday, wasnt how I thought it would turn out to be.
For one thing, the wrong AV system arrived in the morning, from the wrong company. Which I blissfully didnt realise until the second company came, only to see another system in it's place. Some miscommunication between the teachers and the principal, I last heard.
Anyways, the request stall I was manning got overwhelming response, up to the point that we had to close the stall 2 hours before 4pm , as well as throw in up to four to five dedications per song, just to get everything read out. To those who didnt get your requested song, sorry, we tried.
Commercialised music sucks.
I brought along 450++ songs, with the intent to provide some refreshing, non-repetitive-non-radio-like music, only to realize, with all the commercialised-radio-brainwashed people out there, there was absolutely no chance of doing that.
I'm sorry.
To whom it might concern, especially those whom I might have brushed off in my agitated ( read: pissed off! ) mood yesterday, I'm sorry, thank you, please forgive.
The rainbow fiesta, yesterday, wasnt how I thought it would turn out to be.
For one thing, the wrong AV system arrived in the morning, from the wrong company. Which I blissfully didnt realise until the second company came, only to see another system in it's place. Some miscommunication between the teachers and the principal, I last heard.
Anyways, the request stall I was manning got overwhelming response, up to the point that we had to close the stall 2 hours before 4pm , as well as throw in up to four to five dedications per song, just to get everything read out. To those who didnt get your requested song, sorry, we tried.
Commercialised music sucks.
I brought along 450++ songs, with the intent to provide some refreshing, non-repetitive-non-radio-like music, only to realize, with all the commercialised-radio-brainwashed people out there, there was absolutely no chance of doing that.
I'm sorry.
To whom it might concern, especially those whom I might have brushed off in my agitated ( read: pissed off! ) mood yesterday, I'm sorry, thank you, please forgive.
Jaded - Mest
There's a time and place, for everything.
There's a reason why, certain people meet.
There's a destination, for everyone.
What's the explaination, when we're done?
All the summer nights spent wondering;
So many questions asked, but no one's answering.
Would it be okay if I left today?
Took my chances on; what you said was wrong.
I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret,
These years spent, so faded and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.
I'll never regret these years.
Now here I sit, so far away.
Remembering all our memories.
Its times like these that I miss you most,
Remembering when we were so close.
I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, we'll never regret,
These years spent, so faded and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.
I'll never forget the places we've been, you and I.
Our lives are slipping away.
Don't want to let time pass us by.
I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret.
These years, spent, so faded and reckless,
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.
There's a time and place, for everything.
There's a reason why, certain people meet.
There's a destination, for everyone.
What's the explaination, when we're done?
All the summer nights spent wondering;
So many questions asked, but no one's answering.
Would it be okay if I left today?
Took my chances on; what you said was wrong.
I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret,
These years spent, so faded and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.
I'll never regret these years.
Now here I sit, so far away.
Remembering all our memories.
Its times like these that I miss you most,
Remembering when we were so close.
I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, we'll never regret,
These years spent, so faded and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.
I'll never forget the places we've been, you and I.
Our lives are slipping away.
Don't want to let time pass us by.
I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret.
These years, spent, so faded and reckless,
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.
Friday, July 11, 2003
Foolishness
Have you ever wondered what you were on this world for? Was it for love that you were created? Perhaps God had something else in mind.
Have you ever wondered what it is to love? Is it that strange fuzzy warmth or was it the aching within? Perhaps it was just you.
Have you ever wondered what it is to die? Do you feel pain or do you just fall asleep? Perhaps you felt no different from when you were alive.
I didn't smile, nor did I cry because it was all just a dream.
Have you ever wondered what you were on this world for? Was it for love that you were created? Perhaps God had something else in mind.
Have you ever wondered what it is to love? Is it that strange fuzzy warmth or was it the aching within? Perhaps it was just you.
Have you ever wondered what it is to die? Do you feel pain or do you just fall asleep? Perhaps you felt no different from when you were alive.
I didn't smile, nor did I cry because it was all just a dream.
Monday, July 07, 2003
You're the super-slacker!!
Homework?
What's that? Studying? Not in your vocabulary.
You hardly study and almost never do your work
and yet, by some divine intervention, you're
still surviving. Go, you slacker, you!!
Which Stereotypical Singaporean Student Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
he he. stereotypically fitting.
i like.
Homework?
What's that? Studying? Not in your vocabulary.
You hardly study and almost never do your work
and yet, by some divine intervention, you're
still surviving. Go, you slacker, you!!
Which Stereotypical Singaporean Student Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
he he. stereotypically fitting.
i like.
Sunday, July 06, 2003
Damned
Why do you have to lie to me?
Damned be you. Damned I am already, and I will take you down with me. Don't think that I never say or show it, I do not possess the capacity to be enraged. I hate to be angry. Thats why I never really get pissed off. Because I know that when I do get really pissed off, its not easy to quell the flames with simple lies anymore.
You smirk. You think you can get away with this. You laugh and think, "What an idiot." I'll play along. I'll be your idiot, at least for the moment. But when there's change of a moment, the suffocating haze will creep and encompass you; you will writhe and painfully gasp for the sweet scent of air.
It will come to this if you don't put on your brakes.
And for those who had read the previous entries, I'm sorry, this is how I write. Read it or beat it.
Why do you have to lie to me?
Damned be you. Damned I am already, and I will take you down with me. Don't think that I never say or show it, I do not possess the capacity to be enraged. I hate to be angry. Thats why I never really get pissed off. Because I know that when I do get really pissed off, its not easy to quell the flames with simple lies anymore.
You smirk. You think you can get away with this. You laugh and think, "What an idiot." I'll play along. I'll be your idiot, at least for the moment. But when there's change of a moment, the suffocating haze will creep and encompass you; you will writhe and painfully gasp for the sweet scent of air.
It will come to this if you don't put on your brakes.
And for those who had read the previous entries, I'm sorry, this is how I write. Read it or beat it.
Inebriated
I have practically done nothing today, again, zero, zilch, nothing. Spent the whole day at home, trying to do something, but never really completing it. Ended up stoning, the fiendishly caustic memories plagueing once more. Never should have woken up today.
And its just a wonder how you can tear the fabric of my reality with nothing more than a glint of the corner of my blindspot and my life crumbles into sand dust even though I have numbed myself far enough not to be hurt again. How amazing is that? You didn't even have to stab me to kill me.
Yes, I am powerless to resist what you may bring me, be it satisfaction or devastation. Even in that locket lies a secret that is told, of hope, of dreams, of yearning, of desires. But I do not know what to make of it, for sure I have seen its power, yet, I remain skeptical and cynical to what it can achieve if left alone on its own devices. These concerns, are, however, not without reason.
"In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde
I have practically done nothing today, again, zero, zilch, nothing. Spent the whole day at home, trying to do something, but never really completing it. Ended up stoning, the fiendishly caustic memories plagueing once more. Never should have woken up today.
And its just a wonder how you can tear the fabric of my reality with nothing more than a glint of the corner of my blindspot and my life crumbles into sand dust even though I have numbed myself far enough not to be hurt again. How amazing is that? You didn't even have to stab me to kill me.
Yes, I am powerless to resist what you may bring me, be it satisfaction or devastation. Even in that locket lies a secret that is told, of hope, of dreams, of yearning, of desires. But I do not know what to make of it, for sure I have seen its power, yet, I remain skeptical and cynical to what it can achieve if left alone on its own devices. These concerns, are, however, not without reason.
"In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde
Saturday, July 05, 2003
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Serenity
had a soccer match today versus some team from Singtel. the field was okay, both teams almost equally matched, and the weather was just right. had a great match, which ended in a draw, 4 - 4. joined Jonny, Sam, Lionel, Linus and a few others for dinner at mac after that. after which i took NEL back home.
seemed strange, how recurring thoughts of you plagues me every day. every hour. every minute. yet a greater longing lingers. perhaps its only the shadow of her i'm missing, not the present. but please forgive me, i should have never started with it in the first place.
on another note. the holidays will come to a end tomorrow. this is the last post that'll be here for a while, unless perhaps something bombastic happens or my brain suddenly gets a jolt of inspiration. he he.
in fact, i have done nothing, finished nothing, achieved nothing, and when i say nothing, i mean practically nothing, during this holidays. and yes, that includes my homework.
muahahaha.
had a soccer match today versus some team from Singtel. the field was okay, both teams almost equally matched, and the weather was just right. had a great match, which ended in a draw, 4 - 4. joined Jonny, Sam, Lionel, Linus and a few others for dinner at mac after that. after which i took NEL back home.
seemed strange, how recurring thoughts of you plagues me every day. every hour. every minute. yet a greater longing lingers. perhaps its only the shadow of her i'm missing, not the present. but please forgive me, i should have never started with it in the first place.
on another note. the holidays will come to a end tomorrow. this is the last post that'll be here for a while, unless perhaps something bombastic happens or my brain suddenly gets a jolt of inspiration. he he.
in fact, i have done nothing, finished nothing, achieved nothing, and when i say nothing, i mean practically nothing, during this holidays. and yes, that includes my homework.
muahahaha.