taopok to you too

I AM a parent of a boy studying in a premier junior college in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area. Recently, it has come to my attention that rowdy behaviour is threatening to compromise the safety of the students.

According to my son, the violent act is dubbed 'taupok', a reference to a highly compressible piece of brown beancurd. A student would shout 'taupok' and other students would pounce on the targeted person, drag him down forcefully and climb on top of him. Due to peer pressure, more and more students would join in until the stack of bodies is about a metre high.

This violent act is supposedly done in the name of fun but, as a parent, I feel that it is potentially dangerous and even life-threatening.

Furthermore, the 'taupoking' is not a rare occurrence. It can happen up to five times a day, anywhere and to any person.

During the orientation programme for Year One students, even a person standing on the stage during a performance could get 'taupoked'.

Supposing that an average person weighs 60kg, a typical group of 15 would weigh almost a tonne. Just as a person cannot survive without air for three minutes, I am very sure that the human backbone cannot bear the sheer weight of a thousand kilograms.

What happens if the victim's spine breaks? Or if he sustains any other injuries? Who will bear the consequences?

Fortunately, my son has not been a victim of 'taupoking' yet, but he still feels rather uncomfortable about this dangerous act. Also, he feels obliged to join in due to peer pressure, as everyone else is doing it.

Some would say that 'taupoking' is perfectly safe if one assumes the correct position, with one's elbows and forearms touching the floor so as to support the weight, like in rugby. However, not everyone knows the correct position to take, and when surprised one might also forget to assume that position.

I write this letter in the sincere hope of preventing a tragedy. Hopefully, we can keep 'taupok' where it belongs - in that delicious bowl of noodles.

Justin Situ Ren Jun

first, does anyone else find the (quite definitely) unintended pun "peer pressure" inordinately hilarious?

secondly, does anyone else's intelligence feel insulted by his overwrought description of a taupok as "a highly compressible piece of brown beancurd"? GIVE ME A BREAK.

lastly, but most importantly, guess whose son's gonna get taupoked mercilessly for his father's bungling indiscretion?

no such thing - john mayer.


"Welcome to the real world", she said to me, condescendingly.
Take a seat, take your life,
Plot it out in black and white.
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
and the drama queens,
I'd like to think the best of me,
Is still hiding up my sleeve.

They love to tell you, "Stay inside the lines."
But something's better, on the other side.

I wanna run through the halls of my high school,
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs!
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world,
just a lie you've got to rise above.

So the good boys and girls take the so-called right track,
faded white hats grabbing credits and, maybe transfers.
They read all the books but they can't find the answers.
And all of our parents, they're getting older,
I wonder if they've wished for anything better?
While in their memories, tiny tragedies.

They love to tell you, "Stay inside the lines."
But something's better, on the other side.

I wanna run through the halls of my high school,
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs!
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world,
just a lie you've got to rise above.

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
as long as I'm alivee.

I wanna run through the halls of my high school,
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs!
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world,
just a lie you've got to rise above.

I just can't wait till my ten year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors.
And when I stand on these tables before you,
you will know what all this time was for.

of endings


standing at the end of something, the needful and rightful thing to do is to look up and above, look to the future. but the years of wrangling with my past have trained my eyes and locked them permanently on what i have left behind, things i have lost, gained and lost again, things that could have been, things that were then they weren't again.

but did i ever really have a choice? maybe in another time, in another place, things would be so much different.

to look life in the face, always, to look life in the face, and to know it for what it is. at last to know it- to love it, for what it is, and then, to put it away.. always the years between us, always the years, always the love, always- the hours..\

i'll
miss
you.




XOXO
-sean.

IF

if life is a box of chocolates then i say love is a wishing well. you never know what you're gonna lose. it starts when you throw something in; what have you got to lose anyway? soon after, you find yourself expending everything and anything in the hope that something will finally validate everything else you have invested in what began as a whim, and it takes every shred of sanity left in your head not to hurl yourself down as well.

i am not angry. i have been your kind, i have made your choice in my time and i am sure in your position i would have done the same. to have a heart broken is a terrible thing and in the healing process the safest arms we can find are not of those whom we love passionately, for passion bruises a tender heart. but those we care just enough to rest with. from this, some people never get up, and i hope they are happy.

i had an explanation ready. but then i realised; i'm done explaining, i'm done dealing, living, surviving. if the world wants me, it can come and get me. there isn't anything in this world i can do that will make a smidgen of difference to anyone, and even if i'm wrong about this, being right takes too much damned effort.


who, and what, could i possibly be next? i can hardly wait.

NOTHING

i'm sorry if i haven't been good conversation, i just can't be who you want me to be. i'm sorry i haven't been returning calls and answering messages, i don't know what to say. i'm sorry i haven't checked on you in so long, i've forgotten how to start. i'm sorry i don't call anymore, its just feels like my number's up. happy birthday, i'm sorry i remembered. i'm sorry i look like that, it'll stay this way for a while. i'm sorry i can't share your happiness, it'd look weird on me anyhow. i'm sorry i can't tell you why, because i don't know either. i'm sorry everything's going well, otherwise i'd know what to do. i'm sorry i'm not the way you're used to, sometimes i forget i don't have to act since no one's watching. i'm sorry, sorry in the way that has nothing to do with apology.

withoutyouhere.


pierce reservior, 13/4/2004, 7.03pm

worlds apart

this week has been of a teaspoon of insanity coupled with a huge douse of bitter sanity drabbed over. i didn't know what to feel at times, a mixture of despondence and boredom hovering about, with an air of freshness as though i had never had such emotions before. maybe its just the crazy weather, but who knows what makes me feel so warped these days.

switching to the anthropoid frequency, i've had much thoughts and i'd sooner castrate myself than post them here. yet in a nutshell may this explain my erratic decisions and ridiculous behaviour at times.
one may love a ferrari but can't have it.

yet someone had convinced me that one may harbour the love for a ferrari until he saves enough money for it.

trapt the game.

How have you been, nice to see you again
How quickly these conversations seem to end
You meet a friend, every now and then
How quickly these relations turn into trends

Put all your walls up and open your windows
And close all your doors
You find yourself standing in front of the mirror
And now you need more.

What do you wish for?
To catch you as you're falling.
So easy to ignore.
But now you hear it calling again.

I wouldn't want to be you
This lonely game that you play
Between your walls you confuse
Every heart that you break.
So afraid that you'll lose
Always a void to replace
I wouldn't want to play you.

You try and pretend, the truth is hard to bend
How easy these translations can be read.
What if you were led to play a different game instead?
How hard these frustrations are to mend.

Does it matter to you?

Just wait.

Probabilities

Maybe I should find some time to sit down and write my journal. Afterall, I might get knocked down by a car tomorrow. Or I might decide to jump off the balcony (and just before I hit the ground, get hit by an incoming car). Or even more pathetically, I might accidentally stab myself when I'm paring an apple, accidentally fall off the balcony, and then accidentally get hit by a car. I know its damn no link, but who knows?

Nickelback someday.


How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able,
To see the signs that we missed?
And try to turn the tables.

I wish you'd unclench your fists,
And unpack your suitcase,
Lately there's been too much of this.
Don't think its too late.

Nothin's wrong,
Just as long as you know that,
Someday I will.

Someday, somehow,
Gonna make it all right but not right now.
I know you're wondering when.
You're the only one who knows that,
Someday, somehow,
Gonna make it all right but not right now.
I know you're wondering when.

Well, I hoped that since we're here anyway.
We could end up saying,
Things we've always needed to say,
So we could end up stringing.
Now the story's played out like this,
Just like a paperback novel,
Lets rewrite an ending that fits,
Instead of a hollywood horror.

Nothin's wrong,
Just as long as you know that,
Someday I will.

Someday, somehow,
Gonna make it all right but not right now.
I know you're wondering when.
You're the only one who knows that,
Someday, somehow,
Gonna make it all right but not right now.
I know you're wondering when.
You're the only one who knows that.

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able,
To see the signs that we missed?
And try to turn the tables.
Now the story's played out like this,
Just like a paperback novel.
Lets rewrite an ending that fits,
Instead of a hollywood horror.

Nothin's wrong,
Just as long as you know that,
Someday I will.

Someday, somehow,
Gonna make it all right but not right now.
I know you're wondering when.
You're the only one who knows that,
Someday, somehow,
Gonna make it all right but not right now.
I know you're wondering when.
You're the only one who knows that.
I know you're wondering when.
You're the only one who knows that.

I know you're wondering when.

Rain

Rainy, rainy days make me so sleepy, and yet another day drifts off unnoticed.

Everything is so old, and yet so different. But well, there is nothing one can do, except to pray for strength and for forgetfulness.

Reset

its not that i've given my blog up, everyday life tends to take a toll on a person, clouding his conscience, thoughts and emotions. i try to write, but the deafening silence that resounds through my head prevents me from doing so, and now that i am writing, it just shows the irony of it all.

and today, it struck me, its about time for a little reflection. upon introspection, the man alone may feel not at all lonely yet the lonely man may be not at all alone. i need to be alone for some time, to be able to think as much as i love, to be able to foresee as much as i recollect. after all,
complacency is the next biggest sin after not trying.

and then it was done. you fell backwards on your rear, extremely estactic that you had accomplished such a feat. such a feat for such a small being. but your immature worldview had discounted a vital fact: that you had build your self-believed impenetratable rampart too close to the building and crashing waves upon the shore. suddenly the sunlight dimmed from above you. you looked up; and everything was gone.

on another note, i believe that every one of us has that someone special, someone perfect, just waiting somewhere out there, to meet you. i might have walked past her 2 weeks ago on the street, stood next to her on the train, all without knowing. the subtle yearning to find that love, a misdirection, reasons for so many divorces, so many broken hearts and ended relationships. or maybe it is just that people change?

Good guys don't last long in these parts, and I keep forgetting that.

All Over?

And the year draws to a close, so much has happened, yet seemingly in such a small amount of time. I can still feel the apprehension as I stepped into my new class for the first time last year, the mixed feelings that encapsulated me for the first six months, the band, our practices and our first concert, the SARS epidemic, of new friends and forgotton ones, and thus, as another chapter of our lives draws to a close, I wonder how history will remember us today?

On another note, the new Gatsby commercials are disturbing beyond words. You owe yourself to watch them.

Happy New Year 2004 everyone.

Perfect Memory remyzero.

Remember how they always seemed to know?
We had the forest in our eyes,
But the earth was in our clothes.
And they thought we'd fall,
Not at all.

So look back on the treasured days,
We were young in a world that was so tired.
Though it's not what we wanted before,
Even the saints had to crawl from the floor.
Summers when the money was gone you'd sing,
All your little songs that meant everything to me.

And I'll remember you,
And the things that we used to do.
And the things that we used to say.
I'll remember you,
That way.

Remember how they tried to hold you down?
And we climbed those towers
And looked down upon our town.
And everything you hoped would last.
Just always becomes your past, it hurts.
Summer's when the money was gone you'd sing,
All your little songs that meant everything to me.

And I'll remember you,
And the things that we used to do.
And the things that we used to say.
I'll remember you,
That way.

But then this world
Slipped through my fingers,
And even the sun seemed tired.
I still cared.
As I lowered you down
My heart just jaded.
In that moment the earth made no sound,
But you were there.
You helped me lift my pain into the air.

And I'll remember you,
And the things that we used to do.
And the things that we used to say.
I'll remember you,
That way.

If it don't hurt you
It wont hurt me,
If it don't hurt me
Then it wont hurt you,
If it don't hurt you
It wont hurt me, I know.

Birthdays

I have decided that birthdays are unimportant once you reach the age of maturity where the childhood years are just mere distant memories of lost innocence. Sometimes, we yearn for the lost years, but we never get what we want, do we?

And just when I have decided that birthdays shouldn't be celebrated, you came falling like the falling star. Tumbling, free falling through the fog that reeks of disillusionment. I guess I could only say thank you, but what am I to do with all these ponderous expectancies?

You should know I am running away one day. She taught me to be heartless and I am a solitary voyager. I can only have memories of you, and then I will run away someday. My heart is too small and there is only place for fleeting transient memories.


and he didn't care. so why did you?

Top 5 signs you should clear your room.

1. You require a shovel to get from one side of the room to another.

2. Your table starts sagging under the weight of your stuff.

3. More and more items are now being pushed to the outside of your room.

4. Tidying the room now seems like a 14 month project.

OR,

5. You get this.

Konstantine somethingcorporate


I can't imagine all the people that you know,
and the places that you go
when the lights are turned down low.
And I don't understand all the things you've seen,
but I'm slipping inbetween,
you and your big dreams.
It's always you,
in my big dreams.

And you tell me, that it's over.
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers,
and your restless, and I'm naked.
You've gotta get out,
you can't stand to see me shaking
No.
Could you let me go?
I didn't think so.

And you don't wanna be here in the future,
so you say the present's just a pleasent interruption to the past.
And you don't wanna look much closer
cos' your afraid to find out all this hope
you had sent into the sky by now had, Crashed.
And it did,
because of me.

And then you bring me home,
afraid to find out that you're alone.
And I'm sleeping in your living room,
but we don't have much room to live.

And I had these dreams and then I learned to play guitar.
Maybe cross the country,
become a rock star.
And there was hope in me that I could take you there,
but dammit you're so young,
well I don't think I care.
And if I hurt you,
then I'm sorry.
Please don't think that this was easy.

And then you bring me home,
cos' we both know what it's like to be alone.
And I'm dreaming in your living room
but we don't have much room to live.

And Konstantine is walking down the stairs
doesn't she look good
standing in her underwear?
And I was thinking,
what I was thinking.
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.

my Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
and all that I could do is touch her long, blonde, hair.
And I've been thinking,
it hurts me thinking that these nights
when we were drinking, no they never got us anywhere.

No.

This is because I can spell konfusion with a "K"
and I like it.
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it.
It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car,
when the first star you see may not be a star.
I'm not your star.
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant?

And if this is what it takes
just to lie with my mistakes
and live with what I did to you,
and all the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock
it's 11:11 ,
and now you want to talk.
It's not hard to dream
you'll always be my Konstantine.

my Konstantine, they'll never hurt you like I do.
No, they'll never hurt you like I do,
no, no, no no no no no no.

This is to a girl who got into my head
With all the pretty things she did.
Hey,
you know,
you keep me up in bed.
This is to a girl who got into my head
with all these fucked up things I did
Hey,
maybe,
baby,
you could keep me up in bed,
my Konstantine.
You spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen.
And I said,
did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?

I miss you.

And then you bring me home,
And we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone. No no.
And you'll kiss me in your living room.
I know,
I know you'll miss me in your living room
Cos' these nights I think maybe that I'll miss you in my, living room.
We don't have much room,
I said does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room,
To live.

my Konstantine.

Morning

Good morning! Well, actually, afternoon.
Time seems to lose its meaning during holidays.

Ah well, here comes rain.

Erm.

Someone get the Prozac.


Had to post this in the unlikely case of the crazy happenings during our band chalet gets whisked out of my head by the whirl of everyday life. (some of you were bugging me to post it anyway, so shut up and read.)

The first day was pretty uneventful, with the initial plan of letting ourselves get thrown about on the rides at Escape theme park being ruined by the discovery on our arrival, that the park only opened on weekends and school holidays. With nothing better to do, I was thinking that it was going to be a real boring night that day.
I couldnt have been further from the truth.
Someone suggested buying alcoholic drinks, and as usual, I was called upon to buy them. (Buy them, NOT pay for them)

Turned out that quite a few people (including me), miscalculated our alcohol threshold, and sent themselves into their own surreal world of drunkedness. I won't divulge the amount of alcohol I drank (I think I shouted it out loud enough in my drunk state), but I remember starting out with a slightly dizzy head, followed by the gradual failure of your balance system, after which, your whole mind goes into a dream world where your brain starts to process everything as a dream, and not as reality. Finally fell asleep in the room, after being dragged there from the living room floor.

Woke up the next morning to find myself wearing my sweater (huh?), and with a horrible nausea filling my head. For the next 3 days, the very smell of alcohol would make me feel nauseous again. Was told that I put on my sweater while sleepwalking at night (huh?) Wierd stuff.

Not much done on the second day, with some of us suffering from hangovers, and people like me, feeling like our legs and stomach had switched places, with our stomach feeling solid, and legs filled with kuey tiao. Recovered in time though, and the BBQ was a considerable success, everyone ate their fill of great food, and we even had so much food ( and so little people ) that we had to give some to our neighbouring barbequers. All because Cheryl didnt come! (Read the Pizza post to get my meaning.)

After that, we all gathered at the chalet, and they got drunk, again. This time, more interesting events happened. Shall not divulge into the details yah? I was sober though, couldn't take a drop more lest I eject my dinner prematurely.

I woke up on the third day feeling like the Energiser Bunny, with everyone except Sherman and I still fast asleep. Woke up everyone, showered, inventory check, packed, called housekeeping, checked out.

My hangover arrived duly on the 3rd day after that night, right on my work day.

Brilliant.

If You're Gone - matchboxtwenty


I think I've already lost you,
I think you're already gone.
I think I'm finally scared now,
You think I'm weak - I think you're wrong.
I think you're already leaving,
Feels like your hand is on the door.
I thought this place was an empire.
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure.

And I think you're so mean - I think we should try.
I think I could need - this in my life,
And I think I'm just scared - I think too much.
I know its wrong it's a problem I'm dealing-

If you're gone - maybe it's time to come home.
There's an awful lot of breathing room,
But I can hardly move.
If you're gone - baby you need to come home.
There's a little bit of something me,
In everything in you.

I bet you're hard to get over.
I bet the room just won't shine.
I bet my hands I can stay here,
And I bet you need - more than you mind.

And I think you're so mean - I think we should try.
I think I could need - this in my life,
And I think I'm just scared - that I know too much.
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling-

If you're gone - maybe it's time to come home.
There's an awful lot of breathing room,
But I can hardly move.
If you're gone - baby you need to come home.
There's a little bit of something me,
In everything in you.

On Beer Fountains

Sorry to disappoint my ardent supporters who've visited here, but only to see the same entry for the past one month. And yes, the time has come for me yet again to update, my near-rotting place on the web.

I was on bartending duty today at Sheraton Towers, covering up for the main bartender when he went off to collect stock from the basement. And as it was the bar that was at the "back of the house" , which was a term to describe something that was not for guest's use, it was quite a simple job.
Supposedly.

I had the good fortune to have the beer canister run out just as the bartender went out again. And as there were many waiters with orders for beer, I made the (bad) choice to try to change it myself. Gingerly grabbing the nozzle, I tried pulling it to one side. The catch released itself, sending up a short burst of air before the valve slammed shut. But, inexperienced me actually thought that "short burst" of air was the unrestrained release of the pressurised contents within the canister. I slammed the nozzle back in, twisting it to lock it, but the catch did not engage properly, resulting in the release pin being pushed down into the unsealed valve.
The result of that was a splendid display of beer flying all over the bar, mostly onto me, in front of the surprised waiters. Cursing, I had to release the catch and lock it again to stop the flow.

Other than that, I survived.

Of Work and Frogs.


Didnt get to blog for the past 2 days. Got back like 1 in the morning or so, from work. Yeah, somehow managed to get myself dragged into a job at Suntec City, some kind of Part Time waiter, for banquets and all. About 10 us were from KCPSS, and we all had NO experience in this kind of field whatsoever, and imagine my horror when we learnt that we had to pour soup, cut the fish, portion rice, and distribute dessert, all in front of the guests.

First day on friday was "Training" where they briefly explained basic etiquette and serving, telling about the Do's and Don'ts, how to respond to guests, and briefing us on the next night. In which we would be serving 700 tables with 7000 guests, 8 courses each. Yeah, go ahead, scream.

Here's a summary of friday night.

4.20 - Took a cab from school to Suntec City
4.30 - Arrived at Suntec City, got lost looking for our agent.
4.35 - Went to information counter, where our Agent found us.
4.45 - At workers check-in point, checked in, went to training.
5.30 - Bored like hell.
6.30 - Still bored like hell.
7.30 - Not over yet.
9.00 - Training ended, checked out, went for "End-of-Exams Dinner"
10.00 - Reached some BBQ Buffet restaurant at Marina Bay, started whacking.
11.30 - Full, but some other guys still eating.
11.45 - Left the restaurant in search of a bus.
11.52 - Spotted a toad/frog on the sidewalk.
11.53 - Frog/toad kicked by Andy onto road.
11.53 - Andy and Vincent went to raod to kick another 2 frog/toads.
11.54 - Frog/toad sprayed with Andy's aerosol spray ( Some kind of Cologne )
11.54 - Frog/toad burnt by Andy spraying his aerosol with a lighter in front.
11.55 - Frog/toad escaped.
12.00 - Realised we had missed the last bus.
12.05 - Started walking in a random direction towards where we thought the MRT would be.
12.10 - Stopped a car to ask for directions.
12.12 - Continued walking.
12.20 - Same car went by, offering to give us a lift to the MRT station.
12.30 - Arrived at the MRT station, the kind driver had to make 2 trips to get all of us there. The total distance was about 3km, so we would have died without him.
12.40 - Inside MRT station, No train either.
12.43 - Asked some workers outside the station for a lift in a pickup.
12.45 - On the pickup, on the way to the esplanade.
12.50 - On Nicoll Highway, enjoying the view.
12.55 - At destination. Still no sign of a Nightrider bus stop.
1.05 - Boarded a taxi to Bishan.
1.06 - Asleep in taxi.
1.20 - Back in Bishan.

Yeah, thats not what many would consider a "Summary" but that's the best I could do to shorten it.

Yesterday was the big night, the night where 500 clueless part-timers would make an attempt to serve 700 tables, with 7000 guests. Officially, it was a big screwup, as logistics for 7000 people was no simple matter for the captains, so everyone was quite in a bad mood that night, rushing around serving food.
When it was all finally over, the captains all took us behind into the workers area where all the F's, S's, H's and D's were hurled at us by the captains.

And so I realised, I'm still alive after all.

The final stretch.


I tell myself that I must study, but the effort is laughable when I barely accomplish my readings and spend too much time online instead. My hours are consumed by the need to sleep, but even in rest a little minder sits at the back of my mind screaming out how little time I have got left.


I look up at the skies, at the thick dark clouds that hug closely to the tops of the buildings. The wind whips around me like a sword unsheathed, and I wonder why it doesn't pour. The constipated skies mirror a clogging in the head, and as it finally rains I murmur a prayer and realise that it is a mere drizzle that can fill a teapot. I retaliate by sticking a finger skywards (insert swear-word here), and sit down at the computer again, the notes left untouched.

20 Below - hiddeninplainview


This puzzled look you stare to me says,
You put me back together.
Her head's down, she waits so impatiently.
Scattered in my heart, torn up and ripped up apart.
It's ripped apart.
And you know I should have known the times she looked at me.
Brace yourself.
She falls, gracefully.

Just wait and you'll see you're everything I want.
Dont take this from me.
Just wait and you'll see you're everything I want.
Dont take this from me now!


With the wind strong in my face,
I'm still staggering through.
I'm closer to the ground then I will ever get to you.
Dirt deep beneath my finger nails I'm gripping to the floor.
Searching through the world always looking for something more

And these cold winter nights, without you next to me.
It feels like 20 below.
Frost bite on my heart
This pain and suffering are feelings that,
You don't know.

Does it feel like, 20 Below?

(another) Public Service Announcement

Tianyu has (also) changed his virtual residence to:

http://www.tianyu.biz/



muahahha. I should charge for this! :p

But you can't change this loneliness.

we went jamming today, after a 2 week break, and speaking of break, i broke hamzah's drumsticks during some over-enthusiastical playing. whoops. gonna look for a new pair, perhaps next week. lol =p

after that, we all took a cab down to edwin's house to eat and chill. edwin treated us to rockys pizza! =D

and Syed got himself into trouble.

yarp, he bet that if Cheryl could finish 4 pieces of Rocky's pizza ( which was double of Pizzahuts pizzas ) he would do a striptease in edwin's room.

Cheryl did it.

YES. HAHAHAHAHAHA. he didnt want to do it at first, but after threats of being raped from the rest of the guys, he relented. it was damn funny larh. he was using the curtain to cover certain parts of his anatomy. for about 30 seconds. i was laughing too hard even to look. hehh. too bad we didnt get a picture, or i'd put it up here. LOL!

we had to go soon after that, as Edwin's cousins were coming home. the girls wanted to go take neoprints at the Heeren, some funny machine which the guys had completely no idea of which camera to look at. ended up with some wierd photos. haahh.

yaaaarp. I'm deaad tired now, after dragging my guitar around orchard road. gonna slack for a while before sleeping. take care all. =)

Public Announcement Service

Clarence's blog has changed address to:

http://fo0.blogspot.com/

yarp! =)

The Artist In The Ambulance - thrice


Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal,
Red light, can't stop so I spin the wheel.
My world goes black before I feel an angel lift me up,
And I open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white,
They flip the siren, hit the lights, close the doors and I am gone.

Now I lay here owing my life to a stranger,
And I realize that, empty words are not enough.
I'm left here with the question of just,
What have I to show except, the promises I never kept?
I lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets.
I hope that I will never let you down.
I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.

Look around and you'll see that at times it feels like no one really cares.
It gets me down but I'm still gonna try to do what's right,
I know that there's a difference between sleight of hand,
And giving everything you have.
There's a line drawn in the sand, I'm working up the will to cross it.

Rhetoric can't raise the dead.
I'm sick of always talking, when there's no change.
Rhetoric can't raise the dead.
I'm sick of empty words, let's lead and not follow.

Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
Red light, can't stop so I spin the wheel
My world goes black before I feel an angel steal me from the,
Greedy jaws of death and chance, and pull me in with steady hands.
They've given me a second chance, the artist in the ambulance.

I hope that I will never let you down.
I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.

Can we pick you off the ground, more than flashing lights and sound.

Ramblings

from the main road, you could already see clouds of smoke rising from Bishan park, even in the darkness of the night. yes, it was the Lantern Festival yesterday! the few chances where you can actually launch a salvo of rockets without getting arrested, as bishan park was practically swarmed with children and their parents alike, playing with lanterns, sparklers, and homemade rockets. whooohoo! =)

once you were in there, the whole place looked very much like a war zone, with smoke, fire, and whistling sparklers going off in all directions. the whole air was filled with smoke! yeahhh, after we had used up all our sparklers and fired my rockets. 3 flew, 1 almost flew, and 1 burned out.

anyways.

i woke up at one today, from Wan Ting reminding me I was supposed to be in school four hours ago, for the video editing training. went back to sleep for another half hour before actually waking up. i usually wake up before 10, but sleeping at 2 last night might have been it. so there.

Dohhh.

come to think of it, i actually just realised that this "break" hasnt been much of a rest for me, with the daily wake up call at 7 for my morning routine before rushing to school for the dreaded exams.

hahahaha. yeah, the exams i was supposed to study for. :D

had our video-competition training this morning. yarp. mostly slacking around for me, doing lame stuff with the camera and all. hahaha. Kevin has written a most detailed documentary on it. Go check it out. =)

in other news, another day of band shopping today! this time, for Vern's acoustic guitar. we went to 7, yes, i'll spell it out, SEVEN guitar shops, in the hunt for Vern's new instrument.

yeah, you could call it guy-shopping.

haaahh. =D

Down. - somethingcorporate


Let's get drunk,
You can drive us to the harbor.
Wish upon a star but,
Do you know what stars are?
Balls of fire, burning up the black space.
Falling from the landscape,
Exploding in the face of God.

Let's get crazy,
Talk about our big plans.
Places that you're going,
Places that I haven't been.
Build my walls up,
Concrete castle.
Keep this kingdom free of hassle, yeah.

Yeah.

But I need some, echo in the emptiness.
All I want, but you can't change this loneliness.
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down.

Taste the saline rolling down your cheekbone,
Tell me that you're alone, tell me on the telephone.
Feel your heart it breaks within your chest now.
Try to get some rest now, sleeps not coming easy for a while, child.

Child, yeah.

But I need some, echo in the emptiness.
All I want, but you can't change this loneliness.
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down.

Down, down.

But I need some, echo in the emptiness.
All I want, but you can't change this loneliness.
Look at what you've found, I'm falling down.

Look at what you've found, I'm falling down.

No, that's not right.

this posting is to remind myself that i'm still here, minus the inspiration to blog.
yarp. anyways.

exams rushing up at me. time to (really) study.

bye.

I Miss You. - incubus


To see you when I wake up,
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same,
As I do, is a three-fold utopian dream.

You do something to me,
That I can't explain.
So would I be out of line, if I said,
I miss you.

I see your picture, I smell your skin on,
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I am wasting away.
I know I'll see you again,
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know, that I care.

And I miss you.

The Concert

the curtain was drawn, with us onstage, the crowd ringing in our ears, and edwin began his pre-performance act with vern before we began the actual song. i remember almost shivering during the second song, silently praying that i wouldnt screw up or i would never forgive myself. and it wasnt until the bridge of the first song that i realised that i was playing a blink song WITHOUT my distortion on, which as i realised, didnt make much of a difference as the amp was cranked up so high it distorted itself. later after our song, edwin also told me he had problems with his distortion switch, but HIS amp was also cranked up so high, that it had the same effect as mine. hahhh.

and so it ends. the practices, the rehearsals, the concert. but the spirit would live on, the hours we had spent together practicing our sets, together and seperately, the number of practices and jams all the bands had, the team-bonding, I know some of you guys out there would be reading this, and I would like to say, it has been a privilege being a part of a concert with you.

Thank you.

On rainy days.

it started raining soon after we met up, and strode into davis ( a distraction ) to look. yeah. we did get wet, running back to the MRT, but it was quite fun actually. hahaha. reminded me of my primary school days, where we used to run in the rain after school, laughing without a care, without giving a damn about the disapproving stares we got on the bus home. haaah.

yarp! Foo is now the proud owner of a new Ibanez GSR Soundgear Bass, almost fully equipping our band. there was a metal band jamming at Swee Lee's studios while we were there, and they had a really good drummer. the rest of the band sounded okay too. albeit a little too loud, actually. but they really could jam. oh yeah, they werent Singaporean, they were some bunch of Ang Mo's. lol~. got back home after the rain let up a bit.

and i love days like this, of dark overcast skies and winds howling through the windows and rain falling onto your window grills and spilling onto you; nothing beats the solitude of being at home having to listen to no one else's voice.

oh yeah, if you were wondering, the music that is playing is "Clumsy" by our lady peace. enjoy. :)

fake a smile.

alright! the rehearsal will be on tuesday and thursday next week. we had another band practice today! this time at a different studio, recommended by joshua. =) thanks for the tip! haha. the place was really good. probably because of the good maintenance by the fellow there. he even came in to help us clear up the room after our session. haaah. the drums were a little too loud though. and they didnt sound-damp the room well enough. other than that, everything there was great. *grins*

yaahaaaahh. i kinda feel that i've been neglecting everything else since the deferralofsilence started practicing for the teachers day performance. so to everyone else! sorry if i've pangseh-ed you people after school. hahaha. i'll make it up to you after the exams! =)

will be going band-shopping tomorrow. hahh. for Clarence's bass. yarp! thats about it. goodnight, taaaake care and be good all !

Understatement - New Found Glory


I'm sick of smiling, and so is my jaw
Can't you see my frown is dropped way down.
I'm sick of being someone I'm not,
Please get me out of this slump.
I'm sick of clapping,
When I know I can do it better for myself.
I'm sick of waiting,
I'm sick of all these words that will never matter.

I'll write these words together,
Hoping for a chance to think on time.
And I'm tracing over your letters,
To see if your intentions are as good as mine.

But you're getting worse,
I swear it.
It's hard to prove, you're an understatement.
You're getting worse,
And I know,
That you'll be calling, calling, calling me again

I'm done with everything,
That had the two of you.
Don't worry your pictures are already burned.
I'm dumped with new friends,
Don't sell yourself short,
You'll lose it in the end.

I'll write these words together,
Hoping for a chance to think on time.
And I'm tracing over your letters,
To see if your intentions are as good as mine.

But you're getting worse,
I swear it.
It's hard to prove, you're an understatement.
You're getting worse,
And I know,
That you'll be calling, calling, calling me again

I can't help how I feel
No, I can't help how I feel

But you're
Getting worse,
I swear it.
It's hard to prove you're an understatement.
You're getting worse,
And I know.
That you'll be calling,
Calling, calling me again.

A Frenzy Of Everything

Yeeeeessss!! Finally completed my art work, canvas, presentation boards and all! Its going to the marking centre first thing tomorrow morning. Thats one whole load off my mind, for now. next up, preliminary examinations, aaaand, the rehearsal and performance for our band next week. The deferralofsilence has really been practising hard for this, hope it turns out well! =)

yaaarp. ever had a slack and busy week all at once? yeah. slack during school, and busy after school with art work and jamming. like today! five free periods, and one fake fire drill! And its all happening right at the doorstep of the GCE examinations. My class dosen't seem to be in any state of mind for studying now either.

Might be going to Swee Lee tomorrow to buy strings and check out Foo's bass.

=) Gooood night everyone!

Public Service Announcment

Ladies and gentlemen, if you could kindly direct your attention to the "enlightenments?" , "enlightenments." and "nirvana!" links below each blog entry, you may wish to be informed that these links are for your usage to post comments, insults, compliments, complaints, and messages.

Yours Sincerely,
Public Relations Manager
Sean Tan.

ahhhhhh!

I'm working in a completely new computer envioronment now, as my com has just recovered from a viral attack. Fifty-Two viruses, when I scanned it. Sheeeesh. Took me two days to disable it and clear it all up.
Yeah, so anyways. Beeen slaaacking all week, gone jamming on monday, stayed back in school to do art for yesterday and today, aand perhaps we might be jamming again on friday. How's "DeferralOfSilence" as a name for a band? =) hahaha, yarp. might be calling ourselves that, if everyone is okay with it.

haaaaah. okay!

gotta go have my shower now, having tuition soon, so take care and be good y'all!

Which [Smallville] Characters are you?

he he. my foot.

Love To Hate, Hate To Me - AStaticLullaby


Read the tale of my desire,
A book of hate.
1000 Volts for every smile you gave me.
As your eyes close,
I'll brine, as before, the sight of true unhappiness.
Whisper I care,
Then gracious enough I let you go.

Remember me for the times I ruined you.
Not I made you smile.
Take this blade to my wrist,
Help me end what makes you ugly.
Swimming in the pools of my mind,
You come to me at night.
Leave me black and save yourself.

The story prolongs,
With each word my stomach starts to turn.
I've swallowed nails,
So I can never say your name.
Now words are heard through my eyes.

Can you see the fire that burns from my heart?
This song is for you,
So perfect.
Its my fault I can't sleep 'cause you're on my mind.
I have made an attempt to have you,
Tonight I will sleep with the gun in my mouth.
Good night my love.

TheDailyCrap

waaaazzzzaaaaa. Today's national day thing went rather well. Better than last year. Anyways, apologies to the upper secondary in the canteen today, the mobile system has not been fixed yet and it still sounds kindaaa muddy. yarp. other than that, everything went well I suppose! We even managed to keep all the equipment within 30 mins, 15 mins faster than last year because of our new recruits (Coolies). =D I stayed back in school until about 11am in 3peace slacking with yc, hamzah and foo, then foo started complaining about something I forgot about already before disappearing somewhere.
Anyways. Hamzah and I went to meet Foo and Vern at NovenaSquare before splitting up, with I and hamzah going over to Edwin's place to slack around before going to jam at Boon's.
After jamming and all, w'all went to UnitedSquare to pick up Ed's Amp. yay yay yay. 19kg of freaking cargo added. Slacked and swam @ ed's place & pool. yarp. talked about lotsa stuff. =D haaahh.
I just realised today that I don't sound like me at all when I'm singing. hahahahaha. As in my usual lazy murmuring voice? yarp. Realised that today when I was singing in Edwin's rooom while everyone else was slacking around. hmmmm! going to sleep now. Been a long day. gotta think of a name for the band too. =p take care and be good all!

Surreal

Had our annual setting-up-of-whole-school-for-national-day-performance today. Carted around all the equipment, fortunately with Justin's and the AV staff's help. At least we got some ice-cream from the office after it all. hah. Anyways. Everything went quite well. No system problems or anything. haha. managed to get home by 8.30 after it all. Going to jam tomorrow. Hope that we can finish our second song, with some luck.
Can't really pen down the rest of my thoughts.

So, till next time.
Outta here.

The Audition

It is what almost every musician anticipates every day. The chance to get to perform in front of an audience, the support, the appreciation, and the applause are one of the most highest points of being part of a performing band. I still remember myself being lost in another dimension during the performance, oblivious everything except the band, with a ominous voice in my head repeating to me that I couldn't possibly let everyone down now. Because all our sessions, all the times spent practicing, it all boiled down to this, one audition, one shot, one opportunity. And yeah, we did do a great job. The other bands did great too. respect, dudes. music music meeeaaaauuuussseeeek. =)

musicMadness

I think I'm becoming obsessed. Jam session on tuesday till 7.30, Sum41 Concert on wednesday till 10.30, Jammed again today till 6.30, and an audition after school tomorrow. Withdrawl symptoms will probably come in the middle of next week. Anyways, I should go to bed now, its gonna be another long day tomorrow. Stay tuned for more!

On Realisation

Last night, amid heartfelt words with a friend on the phone, I realised that I have been taking so many things in my life for granted. Through so many times that I felt that life had owed me something that was left unaccounted for, that I restrained and isolated myself from others, hoping to find a greater need in this life. I don't know why, but at the end of it all, at the end of every day, I still get overwhelmed with weariness as I look around my room, as if searching for answers.

I'm really sorry for what I have caused all these months. Somehow I'm still trying hard to forgive myself. Hopefully it will come before the night dawns on me. But sometimes, when things change, there's no turning back, right? There's no turning back.

whaaa?

Seven solid hours of art today. BAH. GOOD NIGHT.


What rating is your journal?
brought to you by Quizilla

BayBeats!

Hehe. In a surprisingly awful good mood now, after a seven hour non-stop music marathon at the Esplanade. Baybeats 2003. Local Bands such as Steel City Skies, Bigred.Moment, The Observatory, Better Than Run, Parousia (wheeeooweet!), plus a Japanese band , Buddistson. There were still many other great bands, some which I didnt understand, but still, all of them were unique and musical in their own special way. *grin* This was the first time I've heard our local bands come together in such a large music extravaganza, and I must say, I felt really impressed with their creativity and showmanship. Joshua and I especially enjoyed the Accoustic Christian band, Parousia. =) Really meaningful lyrics and great accoustic guitar. All adds up to fuel our passion towards music. Too bad we had to leave early, as a Emo-Indie Rock band, from the US, The Gloria Record, were playing last. Fantastic Stuff. Mad drummers, jumpy bassists, crazy guitarists and great vocalists. Oh yeaah.

Anyways, I've got to get off this computer thing now. School tomorrow.

Rock On Singapore!

Cute Without The "E" - TakingBackSunday

Your lipstick, his collar.. don't bother Angel,
I know exactly what goes on.

When everything you'll get is
Everything that you've wanted, princess.
Well which would you prefer?
My finger on the trigger, or
Me face down, down across your floor,
Me face down, down across your floor.
Well just so long as this thing's loaded.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
Let's go.

Don't bother trying to explain Angel.
I know exactly what goes on when you're on,
And how about I'm outside of your window
Watchin him keep the details covered.
You're such a sucker,
For a sweet talker, yeah.

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin.
The only thing that I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back.
And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin,
This all was only wishful thinkin

Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me.
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens,
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins.
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me,
I know you well enough to know.

Why can't I feel anything,
from anyone other than you?
Why can't I feel anything,
from anyone other than you?

And all of this was all your fault,
And all of this.

I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason.
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.
She'll destroy us all before she's through,
And find a way to blame somebody else.
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
For this simple reason.
I just need to keep you in mind,
As something larger than life.

Still

I am feeling so pissed today, why can't anyone be nice and just try to appease me. I wonder how much a punching bag costs?

Weary

I tap away at this keyboard only because I have grown so weary of waiting. The silent pains that other people hide in their lives are the only consolation for those that I hide in mine. "It is not so much of me missing her but me missing the idea of her.."

As my heart grows mute with the painful numbness of reality, I eventually come to terms with the fact that there is really nothing left for me to do. The worst that can happen has happened, and I think there is nothing else that can hurt me now. It is now up to me to pick up whats left of my life and move on. I'm just glad that I've started so long ago and though the initial pain was so great, I know it will be good in the end; today's knowledge will be tomorrow's strength.

Zis ees Fiesta yaar?

The rainbow fiesta, yesterday, wasnt how I thought it would turn out to be.
For one thing, the wrong AV system arrived in the morning, from the wrong company. Which I blissfully didnt realise until the second company came, only to see another system in it's place. Some miscommunication between the teachers and the principal, I last heard.

Anyways, the request stall I was manning got overwhelming response, up to the point that we had to close the stall 2 hours before 4pm , as well as throw in up to four to five dedications per song, just to get everything read out. To those who didnt get your requested song, sorry, we tried.

Commercialised music sucks.

I brought along 450++ songs, with the intent to provide some refreshing, non-repetitive-non-radio-like music, only to realize, with all the commercialised-radio-brainwashed people out there, there was absolutely no chance of doing that.

I'm sorry.

To whom it might concern, especially those whom I might have brushed off in my agitated ( read: pissed off! ) mood yesterday, I'm sorry, thank you, please forgive.

Jaded - Mest


There's a time and place, for everything.
There's a reason why, certain people meet.
There's a destination, for everyone.
What's the explaination, when we're done?

All the summer nights spent wondering;
So many questions asked, but no one's answering.
Would it be okay if I left today?
Took my chances on; what you said was wrong.

I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret,
These years spent, so faded and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.
I'll never regret these years.

Now here I sit, so far away.
Remembering all our memories.
Its times like these that I miss you most,
Remembering when we were so close.

I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, we'll never regret,
These years spent, so faded and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.

I'll never forget the places we've been, you and I.
Our lives are slipping away.
Don't want to let time pass us by.

I'm jaded, stupid, and reckless.
Not sorry, and I'll never regret.
These years, spent, so faded and reckless,
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years.

Foolishness

Have you ever wondered what you were on this world for? Was it for love that you were created? Perhaps God had something else in mind.

Have you ever wondered what it is to love? Is it that strange fuzzy warmth or was it the aching within? Perhaps it was just you.

Have you ever wondered what it is to die? Do you feel pain or do you just fall asleep? Perhaps you felt no different from when you were alive.

I didn't smile, nor did I cry because it was all just a dream.

You're the super-slacker!!
Homework?
What's that? Studying? Not in your vocabulary.
You hardly study and almost never do your work
and yet, by some divine intervention, you're
still surviving. Go, you slacker, you!!


Which Stereotypical Singaporean Student Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

he he. stereotypically fitting.
i like.

Damned

Why do you have to lie to me?

Damned be you. Damned I am already, and I will take you down with me. Don't think that I never say or show it, I do not possess the capacity to be enraged. I hate to be angry. Thats why I never really get pissed off. Because I know that when I do get really pissed off, its not easy to quell the flames with simple lies anymore.

You smirk. You think you can get away with this. You laugh and think, "What an idiot." I'll play along. I'll be your idiot, at least for the moment. But when there's change of a moment, the suffocating haze will creep and encompass you; you will writhe and painfully gasp for the sweet scent of air.

It will come to this if you don't put on your brakes.

And for those who had read the previous entries, I'm sorry, this is how I write. Read it or beat it.

Inebriated

I have practically done nothing today, again, zero, zilch, nothing. Spent the whole day at home, trying to do something, but never really completing it. Ended up stoning, the fiendishly caustic memories plagueing once more. Never should have woken up today.

And its just a wonder how you can tear the fabric of my reality with nothing more than a glint of the corner of my blindspot and my life crumbles into sand dust even though I have numbed myself far enough not to be hurt again. How amazing is that? You didn't even have to stab me to kill me.

Yes, I am powerless to resist what you may bring me, be it satisfaction or devastation. Even in that locket lies a secret that is told, of hope, of dreams, of yearning, of desires. But I do not know what to make of it, for sure I have seen its power, yet, I remain skeptical and cynical to what it can achieve if left alone on its own devices. These concerns, are, however, not without reason.

"In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde

Fart Fart

finally got everything back up today. was time to move on to a new template anyways, so hows this look? heh.

@#$%@*&@!!!!!

Yes. My Blog has screwed up.

I won't say a word more, lest the whole post gets flooded with language that will render it NC-16.

Serenity

had a soccer match today versus some team from Singtel. the field was okay, both teams almost equally matched, and the weather was just right. had a great match, which ended in a draw, 4 - 4. joined Jonny, Sam, Lionel, Linus and a few others for dinner at mac after that. after which i took NEL back home.

seemed strange, how recurring thoughts of you plagues me every day. every hour. every minute. yet a greater longing lingers. perhaps its only the shadow of her i'm missing, not the present. but please forgive me, i should have never started with it in the first place.

on another note. the holidays will come to a end tomorrow. this is the last post that'll be here for a while, unless perhaps something bombastic happens or my brain suddenly gets a jolt of inspiration. he he.

in fact, i have done nothing, finished nothing, achieved nothing, and when i say nothing, i mean practically nothing, during this holidays. and yes, that includes my homework.

muahahaha.

Procrastination

I should be posting today. But I'll do it tomorrow? =)

I miss Nelle!!!! =~ gahahahahaha~

Déjà Vu

the barbeque went beautifully yesterday, we met up at bishan MRT station before proceeding to board our bus. some guys went to help the girls who were preparing the food to carry it over to the barbeque pit. the rest of us just went there to prepare the area. before long, the fire was ready and the food had arrived. Mr Tan dropped by too. the radio was playing great music, the food was great, the weather was great, everyone was in a happy mood. after some soccer and beach volleyball, we sat down on the sand to watch the constellations, the sky was quite clear that night, apart from a few drifting clouds.
after a few rounds of truth or dare amdist some hilarious scenes that the unfortunate victims were forced to participate in, we cleared up the pit and left the place, tired but happy.

anyways, woke up feeling shittified this morning. fell asleep again only to be rewoken 10 minutes later by Justin calling, asking to meet up at Bishan MRT on the way to school. he had to go for some PSL Ceremony, while I had my art lessons. which i spent most of taking bo-liao photographs with some other guys. heh. check them out in addition to the BBQ photos from last night.




umm..



did you have to put me on top of the two guys below? =|



Noel:EEEEEEEEEE!!!! Sean: WHOOAAHHHH!!!



zzzzzzzz.



Wot you lookin at, PUNK?



erm, arden, that water is meant for washing hands.



Cheeeeeeeeese.



aargaarggghhh!!!



justin and a few others playing cards after dinner.



oie, look up larh.



2 Love 01 United! *grin*



Jolin and Julian, trying to restart the fire.



sheesh I hate eating lemons!



er, another boliao shot taken by yours truly.



this wasn't my idea. honest.



Justin after a bottle of 30% Jim Beam. Undiluted.



a slightly more sober justin.



me!



Evelyn, Jixiang, Rachel and Jolin trying to um, hug a tree?



hehh. noel owes me lunch for this.



erm.. James..?



Edited by Evelyn-



aaaand now, the 2.36m tall Evelyn Xu!



Fang Min and Shu Ling, with Huey Jieh in the background.



arden, practicing the art of Gay-ism



evelyn, julian and huey jieh.



aaaarrrggghh!!!! where's the toilet!??!?!

How To Reduce Complaint At Work

Sundays

thats funny. the comments section disappeared mysteriously yesterday night, only to reappear this morning. strange.

and yes, i'm here on a Sunday morning, which means i've skipped church again. just remembered that i'm supposed to lead the Small Group today. which means, someone's gotta fill in for me till the next gathering.
heh. and my guitar cable just died out on me this morning.

how splendid.

Nothingness

for the past few days, even though you might not even have noticed that i was gone, thoughts of you still linger with me. that dark night, where i watched the constellations, gazing at your star sign, and how it's shape vaguely resembled the first letter of your name. and just then, when all the times flashed through the dark sky in front of me, when all the frayed memories resurfaced, that the inevitable truth dawned on me once again. and i asked myself,
why do i still miss you?

but i know i shouldnt, i can't. because it'll never be possible. it broke my heart to see you so sad yesterday. i still care for you, and no matter how hard i try, i'll never be able to change that godforsaken fact.

argh. i should just fuck off and sleep.

So Far Away

- Staind

This is my life.
It's not what it was before,
All these feelings I've shared.
And these are my dreams,
That I've never lived before.
Somebody shake me 'cause I,
I must be sleeping.

Now that we're here, so far away,
All the struggle we thought was in vain.
And all the mistakes, one life can take,
They all finally start to go away.
Now that we're here, so far away,
And I feel like I can face the day.
I can forgive, and I'm not ashamed,
To be the person I am today.

These are my words,
That I've never said before.
I think I'm doing okay.
And this is the smile,
That I've never shown before.
Somebody shake me 'cause I,
I must be sleeping.

I'm so afraid of waking,
Please don't shake me.
Afraid of waking,
Please dont shake me.

Maybe Not's

i wonder if everything now would be different if i hadnt held myself back, hadn't felt the blinding need to pull back into myself. the fear of rejection, the fear of heartache. was it all these that made me who i am today? perhaps its okay, i dont need anyone special. i have my friends, my sport, my music, my intrests, my family.
still, all amongst all these, sometimes, feelings, thoughts, emotions, all empty, tug at my heart, making me wonder.
is this worth all of this?
but its okay, somehow, through all these, i've learnt to invalidate my emotions. so i dont feel anything much anymore. for what i love, for what that makes me happy. i dont feel. i dont want. i dont need. you.

Indifference

draaagged myself out of bed this morning at 8am to go to church. father's day service. small group senior sunday school ( ass gee ass ass ass ) ( sgsss ) ( whatever ). lunch. back home. met rachel to collect her guitar. restringed the guitar. went to sleep ( almost ). online. blah blah blah. dinner. back. noise on guitar. online. blog.

and yes, i am a shrunken organ donor who loves to sniff mufflers.

Perspectives

woke up today at 11, and before long another day of the holiday rolls by without anything constructive being done. heh.

had a wierd dream last night. remember hearing a wierd two-tone sound repeating itself non-stop. so somehow, i was thinking it was someone with a guitar repeating the same two notes repeatedly, and it was PISSING ME OFF. so went around ( in my dream ) looking for that noisy fella for a while before waking up to discover I had forgotten to switch the cordless phone to standby before going to sleep and its low batt alarm was sounding. hmmm!

anyways, at least gonna go out tomorrow. the last day of the holidays before i have to go back to school everyday for my art preparation work.


you've changed..

once again, went to swee lee to buy some stuff with yuchern and rachel who wanted to check out the stuff there.

hahaha. i think i've been there once too often already. how'd i know? the staff there are starting to call me by name. heh. love the place (minus the studios) anyway.
yeah. decided to eat sushi at sakae with rachel. yc joined us later. got burnt by overload of wasabi in my soya sauce. aouwch~
heh. gotta make this a quick one. gonna sleep soon (now).

watashi waaaaa! ( ???? )

Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There

Last time I talked to you,
You were lonely and out of place.
You were looking down on me,
Lost out in space.
Laid underneath the stars,
Strung out and feeling brave.
Watch the riddles glow,
Watch them float away.

Down here in the atmosphere,
Garbage and city lights.
You gotta save your tired soul,
You gotta save our lives.
Turn on the radio,
To find you on satellite,
I'm waiting for the sky to fall,
I'm waiting for a sign.

All we are is all so far.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

Hope you remember me,
when you're homesick and need a change.
I miss your purple hair,
I miss the way you taste.

I know you'll come back someday,
on a bed of nails awake.
I'm praying that you don't burn out,
or fade away.
And all we are is all so far.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me.

Well I know,
I know.

You're falling out of reach.

I know...

listening to the songs that once gave me hope in you.
i realized that all these hopes, were just another figment of my imagination.
a hope that would never come true, as it only existed in me.
always will miss the times we spent talking.
still, you will always be a part of me.
i miss you. but i guess that's the way it has to be.
i'm sorry.

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

now, thats mighty good bullshit.

You are the fox.


Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

25+ Bikers.
9 Hours.
60.2 Kilometres.
ECP -> SG Indoor Stadium -> Nicoll Highway -> Esplanade -> Changi Safra Resort -> Changi Airport Runway.
Top Speed of 43.0 km/h.
Average Speed of 16.4km/h

I gotta find time to do this more often.

Just right after I get back all feeling in my arse.

wonder why i feel so listless today.
ah well, going off for my overnight biking in 2010 Hours.
provided i stay awake long enough..

Your picture still remains, but I wonder
Are you still the same?

Okay, for everyone ( especially the people who have been complaining about the ceaseless posting of lyrics in this blog ), here's a ACTUAL entry ( yes, no lyrics. )

Ah, somehow it seems that the quality of the Jam Session DOES affect my immediate mood after it. Went to Swee Lee studios today, must say i was ( and still am ) utterly disgusted with the state of the studios there. If you dont know what I'm talking about, try playing in a studio with guitars with NO straps, misaligned and broken strings, fucked up pickups, trashy sockets, faulty wall sockets for the amplifiers, cables strewn all over the floor, not to mention a drumset that was falling apart, NO music stand and NO microphone stand. ( not that we could use the microphone as it was broken for us already. )

which plainly sucks.

explaining my mood now.
fuck, needless to say, i'm NOT going there again.

Blink 182 - Story Of A Lonely Guy

Push it out, fake a smile
Avert disaster, just in time.
I need a drink, cause in a while,
Worthless answer from friends in mind.
It's dumb to ask, cool to ignore.
Girls posess me, but they're never mine.
I made my entrance, avoided hazards,
Checked my engine, I fell behind.

I fell behind.

She makes me feel like it's raining outside,
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside.
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom.
I get too scared to move, cause I'm a fuckin' boy.

Remember when I was in the grocery store, now's my time.
Lost the words, lost my nerve, lost the girl, left a line.
I would wish upon a star, but that star, it doesn't shine.
So read my book with a boring ending,
A short story of a lonely guy.

I fell behind.

She makes me feel like it's raining outside.
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside.
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom.
I get too scared to move, cause i'm a fuckin' boy.

She makes me feel like it's raining outside.
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside.
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom.
I get too scared to move, cause I'm still just a stupid worthless boy.

Silverstein - Friends In Fallriver

Your life lives half a nation away, my heart hurts so.
I believe letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life.
What did I do? Alone and confused.
What can I say? What can I do?

I’m heading the wrong way home.
Knowing alone is alone.
It’s just too difficult to be just me instead of we.

What did I do? Alone and confused. What can I say? Nothing.
I don’t know where to begin since you left me for him.
I don’t know where to begin and you left me for him.
I don’t want to start again, and I can’t be your friend.
I don’t know where to begin since you left me for him.

<+xovoidua-> there's so many people now.
* @tea-n-you shouts... "Jiaen!"
<+xovoidua-> but theres no netsplit!
<@tea-n-you> no reply. hmmm...
Quits. canpro (lexus@bb220-255-118-197.singnet.com.sg) (online-hub.be.galaxynet.org Boston-Hub.US.GalaxyNet.Org)
Quits. yc- (liabilityy@cm78.gamma184.maxonline.com.sg) (online-hub.be.galaxynet.org Boston-Hub.US.GalaxyNet.Org)
Quits. PuLP (implement-@bb-203-125-46-69.singnet.com.sg) (online-hub.be.galaxynet.org Boston-Hub.US.GalaxyNet.Org)
Joins. handsome7 (nil@cm30.gamma242.maxonline.com.sg)
<+xovoidua-> what the fuck.
<@tea-n-you> well done
* Luc|a`- sets mode: +v handsome7
<+xovoidua-> i think i should shut my mouth
<@tea-n-you> *clap clap clap clap clap*
<+handsome7> what happened???

I really think I should shut my mouth in future. Why?
Read Below.

New Found Glory - Sincerely Me

Dear: Your Name Here,
It's been a long time, very long time,
Since I've heard your voice.
And I bet she never thought I was,
So sorry so.
I've had a hard time, very hard time,
Seeing less of you.
I never thought you knew.

So can you see you're seeing less of me darling?
And you're blind to the fact that my,
Heart stopped beating.
And I'm as good as dead.
And I'm as good as dead.

Dear I forgot your name again,
Just picking up where I left off.
Oh yeah, This is the part where you leave me.
So sorry so.
I've had a hard time, very hard time,
Seeing less of you,
I never thought you knew.

So can you see you're seeing less of me darling?
And you're blind to the fact that my,
Heart stopped beating.
And I'm as good as dead.
This is all I have to say.

Need more blank CDs!!! AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!

Finch - Letters To You

Can't you see that I wanna be there with open arms?
It's empty tonight and I'm all alone,
Get me through this one.

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so.
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so.

I'm writing again these letters to you on much I know,
But I'm not sleeping and you're not here.
The thought stops my heart.

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so.
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so.

No more looking I've found her.
I'm gone away...
I'm gone away.

Gahhh. Couldn't help myself.

Fuel - Shimmer

She calls me from the cold,
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable.
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label.
She says she's ashamed,
And can she take me for awhile.
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past,
But maybe I'm not able.
And I break at the bend.

We're here and now, but will we ever be again?
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade.
Away, again.

She dreams a champagne dream.
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper.
Lavender and cream.
Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her.
She says that love is for fools who fall behind.
And I'm somewhere in between.
I never really know,
A killer from a savior.
'Til I break at the bend.

We're here and now, but will we ever be again?
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade.
Away, again.

It's too far away for me to hold,
It's too far away..
Guess I'll let it go.

All-American Rejects - The Last Song

This may be the last thing that I write for long.
Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song,
For you and only you.

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye.
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye.
My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now.

You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now I'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow.
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want?
Is this what you need? How you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know.
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope,
That you will miss me when I'm gone,
This is the last song.

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone.
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on.
It seems so surreal, now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that I would be this way.
Somehow I knew that I would slowly fade.
Now I'm gone, just try and stop me now.

And will you need me now, you'll find a way somehow
You want it too, I want it too.

AudioVent - Beautiful Addiction

Change the bag
This IV's draining
And I'm afraid.
I need another taste to keep me high.
Inebriated, broken, jaded
Still I need more of you inside.
The pain you deal just kills me better,
The pain is all that keeps me alive.

You don't need your words
To sound like this
I am the hell that saved you
Now, all of your time
Is wasted through
I am the hell that saved you.

Maybe it's manipulation
Who's to say?
And maybe I'm a fool
But it's my life.
I hate to love to love to hate you.
But there's no end for me in sight.
So I'll be hooked on hating you
While you continue to suck me dry.

You don't need your words
To sound like this.
I am the hell that saved you.
Now, all of your time
Is wasted through.
I am the hell that saved you.

You're just too beautiful.
Another fool am I.
You want me on my knees
You're just too beautiful.
Another fool am I.
You've got me down on my knees.

You don't need your words
To sound like this.
I am the hell that saved you
Now, all of your time
Is wasted through.
I am the hell that saved you
That saved you.

Epidemic - Walk Away

No time to register the words you say
As I am stepping over you
And it's a sad state of affairs.
Don't even pretend we're not aware, turned cold.

Walk away.
Untouched, I can't relate to anyone.
Try to be a humble man
A better son, a better friend.
But life gets in the way.

No time to register the shame I feel
As I try not to notice you.
It's a sad state of affairs
To ignore this wrongness everywhere.
Don't Go.

Walk away.
Untouched, I can't relate to anyone.
Try to be a humble man
A better son, a better friend.
But life gets in the way.

It's the way, we silence our senses.
A way, to smother the impulse.
Suffocate the senses.
Suffocate the impulse.
We bury pain, and tramp the dirt down.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Very High
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Yeah yeah, I cheated. So what.

Staind - Take It

I feel like this won't go away
no matter how hard I try
to squeeze my eyes shut
so i can't see the pain
in you - this pain in me.
In me.

But everything that I can say to you
Wont help you, everything you need is right in front of you
Just take it.

I know that I am really not here
to represent what I am not clear
about in my head. sometimes,
I feel fucked up just like you do.
Like you do.

But everything that I can say to you
Wont help you, everything you need is right in front of you
Just take it.

Try to make it through the daily pain
That you feel - maybe tomorrow won't be so bad.
I know it.

'Cause I once felt that way.
Nothing I could say.
Made it go away.
I lived through this.
I still feel this.
I just live for my tomorrow.

Make it go away
Just make it go away
She'll make it go away.

Korn - Alone I Break

Pick me up
Been bleeding too long.
Right here, right now
I'll stop it somehow.

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more.
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone.
These feelings will be gone.
These feelings will be gone.

Now I see the times they change
Leaving us, it seems so strange.
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind.
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break.
I have lived the best I can,
Does this make me not a man?

Shut me off.
I'm ready
Heart stops.
I stand alone
Can't be my own.

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more.
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone.
These feelings will be gone.
These feelings will be gone.

Now I see the times they change
Leaving us, it seems so strange.
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind.
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break.
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm hanging from?
Is there nothing more to come?
Is it always black in space?
Am I going take its place?
Am I going to leave this race?
I guess God's up in this place?
What is it that I've become?
Is there something more to come?

Now I see the times they change
Leaving us, it seems so strange.
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind.
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break.
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Staind - Change

If ever you had said to me before,
That I would leave this life that I am living now
I guess it's all so strange.

To feel the way I do inside
Have so much that I could feel
Some pride for in my life
So why is it that I feel like this?

How do I feel? I've been here before. I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within me, I need this.
Keep it all down, all bottled inside, it breaks me.
To torment again and torture me like it used to.

I try and try to break away from all the hate
I'm feeling for every one of you that's ever done me wrong.
I need to justify the reasons for the way I'm living.
I guess I can't 'cause I don't feel like I deserve.

So now the waves they have subsided
And my soul is bleeding I can't take away the shame I feel.
Forgive me.

How do I feel? I've been here before. I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within me, I need this.
Keep it all down, all bottled inside, it breaks me.
To torment again and torture me like it used to.

12 Stones - Crash

As I lie tossing in my bed,
Lost in my fears remembering what you said.
And I try to hide the truth within
The mask of myself shows its face again.
Still I lie time and time again
Will you deny me when we meet again?

And I feel like I'm falling
Farther every day.
But I know that you're there
Watching over me.
And I feel like I'm drowning
The waves crashing over me
But I know that your love
It will set me free.

As I find truth where I found it times before
As I search for your hope
I'm finding so much more
And I try to be more like you
And I deny myself to prove my heart is true.

I hear your voice calling
The time has come for me.
Inside this life I’m living
There’s nothing left for me
My mind is slowly fading
So far away from me.
Each time I start crawling
You’re there watching me.

Stone Sour - Bother

Wish I was too dead to cry,
My self-affliction fades.
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater.
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be.
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds.

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all.
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying.

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds.

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgottenwith its memories
Diaries left with cryptic entries.

And you don't need to bother
I don't need to be.
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds.

You don't need to bother,
I don't need to be.
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I'll never live down my deceit.

Saliva - Rest In Pieces

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did.
It has not healed with time
It just shot down my spine.
You look so beautiful tonight
Reminds me how you laid us down,
And gently smiled before you destroyed my life.

Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away?
And let me rest in pieces.
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away?
And let me rest in pieces.

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
You got much closer than I thought you did.
I'm in your reach
You held me in your hands.

But could you find it in your heart,
To make this go away?
And let me rest in pieces.
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away.
And let me rest in pieces.

Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away.
And let me rest in pieces.